Contents. Click the pick to see it enlarged.
Written by: Tesco’s budget range toilet paper
Region locking feature. Now online, CLICK HERE.
Written by: a bottle of Southern Comfort (the mini sized bottles).
The online version doesn’t include the Nintendo boxout where James Honeywell is acting like a total and utter **** (there’s no way that C&T word’s being printed uncensored). So here it is, typed up by me:
“Handhelds, traditionally, have always been region-free, and with good reason. If you take your DS abroad then you should be able to do so safe in the knowledge that you can buy a game in that country and play it while on holiday. 3DS is the first system that takes this common sense luxury away from the consumer, and Nintendo’s justification is once again unconvincing. “People can still take their Nintendo 3DS and software to enjoy on holiday with them, this hasn’t and won’t change”, says James Honeywell. “We will communicate this to purchasers in interviews like this, on hardware packaging and in-box information in Nintendo 3DS hardware and software. This model has existed for DVDs for a number of years now so we’re confident consumers do and will understand how it works.” Now, how many people do you know that take a DVD player on holiday.”
Like I said. Nintendo = absolute *****. I hope everyone who thought of region locking the 3DS gets trapped in an office fire. If I ran a multiformat mag, I would have every 3DS game that was region locked receive 1 out of 10. Man, screw that bullshit.
Dragon’s Dogma. Made a nice cover but in-game looks horribly generic. I can’t even be bothered to read the feature. I’m bored of hi-fantasy, I want more sci-fi in games.
Written by: a wilted lettuce from the vegetable aisle
Minipreview. Love this page. Wish it had more pages.
Written by: a packet of Durex condoms (extra small).
Angels and demons, a look at morality in games.
Written by: rolls of flypaper – by 2 get 1 free!
Was looking forward to this feature, but was sadly disappointed. It says most of the criticism against Bioshock was due to its morality system. No, my criticism was that the mechanics were simple / the mechanics were dumbed down / the mechanics were for stupid people with short attention spans / the mechanics were geared towards casual console play. I hated Bioshock because it was a lacklustre, simplified trod through ineptly designed levels with insipid functionality. For hell’s sake, it didn’t even have an inventory! System Shock 2 on the other hand was laden with complexity and intelligence. Bioshock was like System Shock 2 after being lobotomised and having its testicles removed. No critic – EXCEPT ME – ever seems to make this point. I don’t care about its morality system, I care about the fact that it’s a game designed for simple-minded people with simple minds. Bioshock is loathsomely awful – I despise its mere existence.
The rest of the article is so-so. It doesn’t mention either the Zettai Zetsumei Toshi series, which featured the best morality system I have yet seen in the gaming medium, BAR NONE, nor does it mention Pathologic, which GTM reviewed and gave an 8 to. Pathologic has an excellent morality system – trapped in a town where people distrust you, it’s not about simply black or white choices. You can kill innocent people to help your own survival, but you must be prepared for the townspeople’s reaction. Ultimately though, whatever you choose, it’s for the greater good of stopping a plague which threatens an entire country. Sacrificing one man for his organs to research the virus is surely worth the price, right?
Instead the article talks about Bioshock, The Witcher, Fallout 3, Heavy Rain, KOTOR and a few other games. Maybe the author didn’t play Zettai Zetsumei Toshi or Pathologic?
Fez article. LOVE THE DESIGN.
Written by: a pair of men’s Y-fronts from the clothing section
Indie game review. This is why I love the mag. Not many other publications will give 2 whole pages to this kind of game.
Written by: a tin of dog food
Another indie review, from XBLA. Love the opening paragraph. Genius.
Written by: a bottle of Fairy washing up liquid
Guardian Heroes. Six pages, with input from Treasure. Sadly the amount of interview answers could have filled only half a page. It’s passionate, but a little lacking in insider information. Shame.
Written by: reduced price pork sausages (sage and onion)
Gala Networks Europe
Written by: a copy of Marquis from the magazine aisle.
I’ve only included this here because of the artwork used. Who doesn’t like a bit of elf-girl on elf-girl action, eh readers?
artwork from the Guardian Heroes article. Click for full size.