Naughty Dog wipes Vaseline in your eyes for Uncharted 3

I am so mad right now. Naughty Dog are idiots, complete and utter idiots. Uncharted 3 has now been ruined. Well done Naughty Dog, you collection of morons.

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This is not a satirical post, this is me explaining my hatred for motion blur.

Let me tell you a story about Uncharted 2. When I first started playing it I thought my new HD TV was broken, and was ready to take it back to the store for a replacement. There was some terrible smudging of the visuals whenever anything moved. I had this problem with the PSP, which was the fault of the old screen being crap, but none of my PS3 games so far had really had this problem. There was some slight colour smudge, but fiddling with the settings eventually made it go away on most games.

But with UC2 there was terrible, horrible smudging when you moved, making everything fuzzier than an acid trip at Woodstock. I had been to bachelor parties which were clearer and more focused than this crap. And no fiddling with settings could make it go away. Obviously my TV must have been ****ed. So I ask on NTSC-uk’s technical forum, and eventually it transpires that this Vaseline vision, this smudged greasy look which obscured my clarity, was called “motion blur” and was intentional.

I was forced to suffer it.

Then I discover that UC3 lacked this. Huzzah! I thought. Naughty Dog had seen sense to bless me with pure clarity. A few pissants on forums bitched about it, but **** em I thought, I wanted clarity. I needed clarity. Any way, long story short, ND also screwed with the aiming and so have now released a patch to correct this:
http://www.naughtydog.com/site/post/uncharted_3_patch_102_notes/#

Except as they also put it:
* Fixed the missing Motion Blur effects

It’s not fixing it, you imbeciles, it’s ****ing with it. I DON’T WANT SMUDGING!

Well done, idiots. The best thing about UC3 over its predecessor has now been removed, forcing me to play it either unpatched with broken controls, or patched so that it controls, but looks like absolute ass. And let me emphasise this – if UC3 lacked Vaseline vision before, that means it wasn’t now implemented for technical reasons. The game ran just fine without it. It should be OPTIONAL. It was implemented because ND are a bunch of cretins.

So I am forced to play without the patch, I am forced to play offline, I am forced to use broken controls. ARGH!!!


If I wanted anything less than absolute pure 100% crystal SHARP visuals, I’d use my SD TV and an RF cable, instead of the $1000 HD TV and HDMI cable I bought.

If I wanted blurring, I’d play without my corrective spectacles. Or better yet, for all those myopic whiners on ND’s forum, why don’t YOU just remove YOUR glasses?

If wanted blurring, I’d get drunk.

If wanted blurring, I’d smoke marijuana.

If I wanted blurring, I’d punch myself in the face until I saw stars.

If I wanted blurring, I’d go to a redneck bar, hand out baseball bats, then call ever man in there a panty-wearing sissy.

If I wanted blurring, I would buy some Vaseline and swab it over my eyes and my TV and then put MORE Vaseline on my eyes.

Some people have tried to persuade me that motion blurring is anything other than absolutely ****ing terrible, by showing videos of PC games with and without motion blurring. And you know what?

In every single example motion blurring still sucks. It will always suck.

Anything which is a step away from absolute 100% fidelity sucks.

I hate motion blurring! I didn't buy a PS3, buy an HD TV and then pay £40 for a game with the visual clarity of an Atari 2600 game FFS!



<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiErPvBw-V8kkiuO6CWMO8TdwfKHFifCSBsFfWttBdUWUOLDpav2AWjnV7V0JQ22dBNiKJF6RrgaDd_OZ-4WC_5EOiyzZ7qE6br4PAvylY-QJffm-Nl9JNbH34A-kcaEjwG_gUBLfDwJlQ/s1600/HEADER.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680055833215299330" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiErPvBw-V8kkiuO6CWMO8TdwfKHFifCSBsFfWttBdUWUOLDpav2AWjnV7V0JQ22dBNiKJF6RrgaDd_OZ-4WC_5EOiyzZ7qE6br4PAvylY-QJffm-Nl9JNbH34A-kcaEjwG_gUBLfDwJlQ/s400/HEADER.jpg" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 262px;" /></a>I am so mad right now. Naughty Dog are idiots, complete and utter idiots. Uncharted 3 has now been ruined. Well done Naughty Dog, you collection of morons.<br /><br /><span class="fullpost">.<br />.<br />.<br />This is not a satirical post, this is me explaining my hatred for motion blur.<br /><br />Let me tell you a story about Uncharted 2. When I first started playing it I thought my new HD TV was broken, and was ready to take it back to the store for a replacement. There was some terrible smudging of the visuals whenever anything moved. I had this problem with the PSP, which was the fault of the old screen being crap, but none of my PS3 games so far had really had this problem. There was some slight colour smudge, but fiddling with the settings eventually made it go away on most games.<br /><br />But with UC2 there was terrible, horrible smudging when you moved, making everything fuzzier than an acid trip at Woodstock. I had been to bachelor parties which were clearer and more focused than this crap. And no fiddling with settings could make it go away. Obviously my TV must have been ****ed. So I ask on NTSC-uk’s technical forum, and eventually it transpires that this Vaseline vision, this smudged greasy look which obscured my clarity, was called “motion blur” and was intentional.<br /><br />I was forced to suffer it.<br /><br />Then I discover that UC3 lacked this. Huzzah! I thought. Naughty Dog had seen sense to bless me with pure clarity. A few pissants on forums bitched about it, but **** em I thought, I wanted clarity. I needed clarity. Any way, long story short, ND also screwed with the aiming and so have now released a patch to correct this:<br /><a href="http://www.naughtydog.com/site/post/uncharted_3_patch_102_notes/#">http://www.naughtydog.com/site/post/uncharted_3_patch_102_notes/#</a><br /><br />Except as they also put it:<a href="http://www.naughtydog.com/site/post/uncharted_3_patch_102_notes/#"><br />* Fixed the missing Motion Blur effects </a><br /><br />It’s not fixing it, you imbeciles, it’s ****ing with it. I DON’T WANT SMUDGING!<br /><br />Well done, idiots. The best thing about UC3 over its predecessor <a href="http://www.naughtydog.com/site/post/uncharted_3_patch_102_notes/#">has now been removed</a>, forcing me to play it either unpatched with broken controls, or patched so that it controls, but looks like absolute ass. And let me emphasise this – if UC3 lacked Vaseline vision before, that means it wasn’t now implemented for technical reasons. The game ran just fine without it. It should be OPTIONAL. It was implemented because ND are a bunch of cretins.<br /><br />So I am forced to play without the patch, I am forced to play offline, I am forced to use broken controls. ARGH!!!<br /><br /><br />If I wanted anything less than absolute pure 100% crystal SHARP visuals, I’d use my SD TV and an RF cable, instead of the $1000 HD TV and HDMI cable I bought.<br /><br />If I wanted blurring, I’d play without my corrective spectacles. Or better yet, for all those myopic whiners on ND’s forum, why don’t YOU just remove YOUR glasses?<br /><br />If wanted blurring, I’d get drunk.<br /><br />If wanted blurring, I’d smoke marijuana.<br /><br />If I wanted blurring, I’d punch myself in the face until I saw stars.<br /><br />If I wanted blurring, I’d go to a redneck bar, hand out baseball bats, then call ever man in there a panty-wearing sissy.<br /><br />If I wanted blurring, I would buy some Vaseline and swab it over my eyes and my TV and then put MORE Vaseline on my eyes.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJtHKnUu3Qq09lqBiG6KOjwOsq8euG0U-v-z1NPJKnhH92kEfd0A9dzPRUqoL_wTK9YlllmJoh-DYCq58wrUwptcW77TEM4THSXA7NlXJRZidzq5m-hExfLKT4lIWHY1Mqs6yMfMxXc3k/s1600/vaseyes.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680055845347150978" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJtHKnUu3Qq09lqBiG6KOjwOsq8euG0U-v-z1NPJKnhH92kEfd0A9dzPRUqoL_wTK9YlllmJoh-DYCq58wrUwptcW77TEM4THSXA7NlXJRZidzq5m-hExfLKT4lIWHY1Mqs6yMfMxXc3k/s400/vaseyes.jpg" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 262px;" /></a><span class="fullpost">Some people have tried to persuade me that motion blurring is anything other than absolutely ****ing terrible, by showing videos of PC games with and without motion blurring. And you know what?<br /><br />In every single example motion blurring still sucks. It will always suck.<br /><br />Anything which is a step away from absolute 100% fidelity sucks.<br /><br />I hate motion blurring! I didn't buy a PS3, buy an HD TV and then pay £40 for a game with the visual clarity of an Atari 2600 game FFS!<br /><br /></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv1jJpXa0LvRaIob5os6rMHTcP0QDWAUdqynSji2lYVXDEiHOX3IY1tyCHiBocLph9peTyYN8bDYePEDDzYv9tgrlwBPiew5Al8yqBQgKCIPYfQ9PNmO1t4tUP3e-84s9u7tFU6mFYxGA/s1600/bloody-keyboard.gif"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680055827181905890" src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/writing.gif" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" /></a><br /></span>

Uncharted 2’s yachts defy nautical logic

Uncharted 2 may look pretty, but is it accurate? *
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As a certified yacht skipper, licensed by the Royal Yachting Association of Great Britain, I enjoy looking for nautical inaccuracies in my videogames. Which is a ridiculous and stupid thing to do, but hey! It’s like historians who play RTS games and point out the fact that the Germans technically didn’t use a specific kind of tank in 1943, or something.

Whatever.

Games, books and films have and always will have technical inaccuracies. IMDB is resplendent with movie-based gaffs, showing how certain things can’t be possible.

In Uncharted 2, an exceptionally beautiful game, you come to a part with a view of the harbour. Now, as any self-respecting skipper will tell you, you lay your anchor and sufficient rode so that you can swing with the tide while moored, of course first making sure that you’re not dragging. The tide meanwhile will be going in a constant direction until it turns, at which points it becomes slack for a time and then changes direction. There’s also windage to take into account, quality of the sea bottom, and so on.

All boats should be facing the same direction – the direction the tide is going. Even if there was slack water, they should in theory be facing the direction the wind is blowing. This screen shows at least 3 different drift directions in the same harbour (more depending on those further out). I suppose the horizontal boats could have anchored using their port cleats, hence the direction faced, but this seems weird, and doesn’t explain what the boat on the far right is doing at such an odd angle.

And this is a shame, because whoever created this scene had gone to the trouble of giving each boat an anchor light, which is a good sign of accuracy.

And if anyone asks, yes, I made this not-entirely-accurate post purely to let everyone I’m a licensed yachtsman. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s some brandy which needs warming and skeet which need shooting.


* To be honest, I'm not entirely sure my theory is correct - can any other sailors care to share their views?

<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9enYwJT1q2o__51opadiFV9xYi3Xu9qDNvAG86zDDLN5XOXzh89rHMCiJQrTlCa0OMoLvZ2ns9sepMdO375Z9Okk9MPpoWXmal8neFL_A-4c4iMDyHHod9Uy9IPAo83Jv6sFrVe5iyHM/s1600/Uncharted2.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5458493452878113538" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9enYwJT1q2o__51opadiFV9xYi3Xu9qDNvAG86zDDLN5XOXzh89rHMCiJQrTlCa0OMoLvZ2ns9sepMdO375Z9Okk9MPpoWXmal8neFL_A-4c4iMDyHHod9Uy9IPAo83Jv6sFrVe5iyHM/s400/Uncharted2.jpg" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 249px;" /></a><br />Uncharted 2 may look pretty, but is it accurate? *<br />.<br />.<br />.<br /><br /><br /><span class="fullpost">As a certified yacht skipper, licensed by the Royal Yachting Association of Great Britain, I enjoy looking for nautical inaccuracies in my videogames. Which is a ridiculous and stupid thing to do, but hey! It’s like historians who play RTS games and point out the fact that the Germans technically didn’t use a specific kind of tank in 1943, or something.<br /><br />Whatever.<br /><br />Games, books and films have and always will have technical inaccuracies. IMDB is resplendent with movie-based gaffs, showing how certain things can’t be possible.<br /><br />In Uncharted 2, an exceptionally beautiful game, you come to a part with a view of the harbour. Now, as any self-respecting skipper will tell you, you lay your anchor and sufficient rode so that you can swing with the tide while moored, of course first making sure that you’re not dragging. The tide meanwhile will be going in a constant direction until it turns, at which points it becomes slack for a time and then changes direction. There’s also windage to take into account, quality of the sea bottom, and so on.<br /><br />All boats should be facing the same direction – the direction the tide is going. Even if there was slack water, they should in theory be facing the direction the wind is blowing. This screen shows at least 3 different drift directions in the same harbour (more depending on those further out). I suppose the horizontal boats could have anchored using their port cleats, hence the direction faced, but this seems weird, and doesn’t explain what the boat on the far right is doing at such an odd angle.<br /><br />And this is a shame, because whoever created this scene had gone to the trouble of giving each boat an anchor light, which is a good sign of accuracy.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEy7s_uI8IooBDXoL9FBfSHNPsXLTGQoTGSaEyHsPTVL5xQVRY-UYl104BGMJp2b7TuaXQLTz8SVve8znyYIn4t73jHBNmuNA7kfz8kkv_FW6uQVsZGyR8tcLoBx0DiZEEE1uZr_45sHo/s1600/j-20730.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5458493460378619362" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEy7s_uI8IooBDXoL9FBfSHNPsXLTGQoTGSaEyHsPTVL5xQVRY-UYl104BGMJp2b7TuaXQLTz8SVve8znyYIn4t73jHBNmuNA7kfz8kkv_FW6uQVsZGyR8tcLoBx0DiZEEE1uZr_45sHo/s400/j-20730.jpg" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 400px;" /></a><span class="fullpost">And if anyone asks, yes, I made this not-entirely-accurate post purely to let everyone I’m a licensed yachtsman. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s some brandy which needs warming and skeet which need shooting.<br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 0);">*</span> To be honest, I'm not entirely sure my theory is correct - can any other sailors care to share their views?</span><br /></span></span>

Huh? What? Uncharted 2 is Actually Really Good

I was planning on spending this holiday season cooped up in my room, playing fifteen year old PC games (I just bought a new joystick and Wing Commander II is SO BEAUTIFUL) while complaining about dearth of reasonably interesting titles, since most of them got delayed until 2010. I was in for Demon's Souls and Brutal Legend based on forum hype and pedigree, but I really wasn't expecting much from Uncharted 2. I only got it because of the Toys R Us B2G1 free sale, and the hype from all around made it too much to pass on.


I wasn't really a fan of the first Uncharted. It was the first PS3 game I bought while I waited a few weeks for MGS4 to be released, and my feelings were roughly the same as Yahtzee's - a well made game, but remarkably bland. I actually thought it was a long running joke amongst PS3 fans that such a dull game was somehow championed as one of the best games on the console...then I realized a year and a half later that they weren't kidding.

The nature of sequels usually assumes that if the first game sold well, then there was nothing wrong with it, and may as well just write a new "script", make a few new levels and call it a day. (As much as I like the atmosphere and general feel of Halo,they still really haven't learned much about level design.) Thankfully, it's not the case with Uncharted 2 - it's a rare case, like with Zone of the Enders and Dark Cloud from the PS2 generation, that actually builds substantially on the last game. I don't know if the actual engine was improved, but the visual direction is nothing short of outstanding - and if the snow in the first chapter doesn't convince you, the Turkish landscape in the second one will. I think that's the big thing that's impressed me - instead of just being a dude running around a jungle shooting other dudes, it's really come up with some interesting setpieces, right within the first hour. Even the (fairly easy) stealth section at the beginning is pretty smooth.

Anyway, you've probably heard all of the fantastic stuff about this already, and I'd say that yeah, for the most part, it's actually true and not just overblown fluff. So let's take a bit of time to discuss where (so far) it's failing.

The plot's not great. Well, no, I haven't seen enough the plot to really say that, so let's say this - the writing's a bit subpar. Anytime anyone says "I have a bad feeling about this", then immediately cuts to a bad thing happening...there should be some kind of punishment for that. Yes, we understand what irony is, please don't do this ever again.

I'm not sure what the appeal of Nathan Drake is, but apparently he's the model of the New Action Hero - gelled hair and jeans, looking like an Abercrombie and Fitch model without the overtly homosexual overtones, with a laid back attitude and scruffy facial hair that suggests a slacker everyman who can do pretty much anything the Old Action Hero can do, except with irritating smarminess replacing cheesy catchphrases. The constant praise I see heaped on it is even weirder. I actually heard someone say that the dialogue gets better later on, and compared it to Monkey Island in its cleverness. Oh? Was this the same person that called the cringeworthy Grand Theft Auto IV script "Oscar-worthy"? I'm not very far so there's always hope for improvement, but somehow I think these people have a substantially different concept of "good writing" than I do.


Then there's Chloe. Chloe rubs me the wrong way. She reminds me a lot of Zoe from Dreamfall - black hair with slightly dark skin, somewhat racially ambiguous, with skimpy tops and a British accent. Zoe was a real character after my own heart, but Chloe's something of a negaverse version of the same basic idea, completely lacking in both charm and depth. And there's something about the way the eyes are modeled that makes her look suspiciously glassy. It's distracting. I still think it would be hilarious if Drake ended up with some fat chick as "the best driver in the business" - are female criminals all wannabe models? - but I don't really think being subversive is Naughty Dog's MO.

This criticism might sound like it's being a bit tough, and it definitely is. The writing is still several steps up from GTA4, and certainly better than the Gears of Wars of the world. But "blockbuster Hollywood movie" and "good writing" aren't mutually exclusive. That's something not even the actual movie industry has figured out consistently, though, so I guess it's a bit premature that a video game could possibly do the same thing. At least it's not a jumbled mess a la Transformers 2, so it does have that going for it. But it does seem awfully weak when compared to something like Brutal Legend. I wouldn't want Tim Schafer to waste his talents working on a summer popcorn action flick, but at some point the developers should strive to be more than just adequate.
I was planning on spending this holiday season cooped up in my room, playing fifteen year old PC games (I just bought a new joystick and Wing Commander II is SO BEAUTIFUL) while complaining about dearth of reasonably interesting titles, since most of them got delayed until 2010. I was in for Demon's Souls and Brutal Legend based on forum hype and pedigree, but I really wasn't expecting much from Uncharted 2. I only got it because of the Toys R Us B2G1 free sale, and the hype from all around made it too much to pass on.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/uncharted2.jpg"></center><br />I wasn't really a fan of the first Uncharted. It was the first PS3 game I bought while I waited a few weeks for MGS4 to be released, and my feelings were roughly the same as Yahtzee's - a well made game, but remarkably bland. I actually thought it was a long running joke amongst PS3 fans that such a dull game was somehow championed as one of the best games on the console...then I realized a year and a half later that they weren't kidding.<br /><span class="fullpost"><br />The nature of sequels usually assumes that if the first game sold well, then there was nothing wrong with it, and may as well just write a new "script", make a few new levels and call it a day. (As much as I like the atmosphere and general feel of Halo,they still really haven't learned much about level design.) Thankfully, it's not the case with Uncharted 2 - it's a rare case, like with Zone of the Enders and Dark Cloud from the PS2 generation, that actually builds substantially on the last game. I don't know if the actual engine was improved, but the visual direction is nothing short of outstanding - and if the snow in the first chapter doesn't convince you, the Turkish landscape in the second one will. I think that's the big thing that's impressed me - instead of just being a dude running around a jungle shooting other dudes, it's really come up with some interesting setpieces, right within the first hour. Even the (fairly easy) stealth section at the beginning is pretty smooth.<br /><br />Anyway, you've probably heard all of the fantastic stuff about this already, and I'd say that yeah, for the most part, it's actually true and not just overblown fluff. So let's take a bit of time to discuss where (so far) it's failing. <br /><br />The plot's not great. Well, no, I haven't seen enough the plot to really say that, so let's say this - the writing's a bit subpar. Anytime anyone says "I have a bad feeling about this", then immediately cuts to a bad thing happening...there should be some kind of punishment for that. Yes, we understand what irony is, please don't do this ever again.<br /><br />I'm not sure what the appeal of Nathan Drake is, but apparently he's the model of the New Action Hero - gelled hair and jeans, looking like an Abercrombie and Fitch model without the overtly homosexual overtones, with a laid back attitude and scruffy facial hair that suggests a slacker everyman who can do pretty much anything the Old Action Hero can do, except with irritating smarminess replacing cheesy catchphrases. The constant praise I see heaped on it is even weirder. I actually heard someone say that the dialogue gets better later on, and compared it to Monkey Island in its cleverness. Oh? Was this the same person that called the cringeworthy Grand Theft Auto IV script "Oscar-worthy"? I'm not very far so there's always hope for improvement, but somehow I think these people have a substantially different concept of "good writing" than I do.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/zoe.jpg"><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/chloe.jpg"></center><br />Then there's Chloe. Chloe rubs me the wrong way. She reminds me a lot of Zoe from Dreamfall - black hair with slightly dark skin, somewhat racially ambiguous, with skimpy tops and a British accent. Zoe was a real character after my own heart, but Chloe's something of a negaverse version of the same basic idea, completely lacking in both charm and depth. And there's something about the way the eyes are modeled that makes her look suspiciously glassy. It's distracting. I still think it would be hilarious if Drake ended up with some fat chick as "the best driver in the business" - are female criminals all wannabe models? - but I don't really think being subversive is Naughty Dog's MO.<br /><br />This criticism might sound like it's being a bit tough, and it definitely is. The writing is still several steps up from GTA4, and certainly better than the Gears of Wars of the world. But "blockbuster Hollywood movie" and "good writing" aren't mutually exclusive. That's something not even the actual movie industry has figured out consistently, though, so I guess it's a bit premature that a video game could possibly do the same thing. At least it's not a jumbled mess a la Transformers 2, so it does have that going for it. But it does seem awfully weak when compared to something like Brutal Legend. I wouldn't want Tim Schafer to waste his talents working on a summer popcorn action flick, but at some point the developers should strive to be more than just adequate.</span>