Not One, But Two (UPDATE: Three!) New Space Quest Fan Games

It's barely two weeks in 2012, and the new year has already been great for classic adventure game fans, which has brought us not one, but two (UPDATE: three!) fan-made Space Quest games released almost right next to each other. The previous SQ fangames I'd played with made with the AGI engine, like the first two games...and weren't very good. These, however, are both much better. Like all other fan games of this type, they are also free. (Also bone up on the series with the article on the official entries of the Space Quest series.

First of, the Space Quest II remake! This was developed by Infamous Adventures, the guys who released the first Kings Quest III remake, which ended up being not QUITE as good as AGD Interactive's, which was released a bit later, but was decent nonetheless.



The original Space Quest II is easily the worst game of the series. (Original on the left, remake on the right). There's barely any plot beyond "Roger escapes from terrible jungle planet", so pretty much the entire game came down to navigating through numerous dangers and dead-ends until you stumbled your way to the end. Many of the other Sierra remakes have cleaned up some of the more archaic elements of these older games, but the Space Quest II remake is not one of them. Pretty much every ridiculous death and dead end is preserved, which is one way is maddening. But in another way, fixing any of this would changed the entire fabric of the game to the point of pointlessness, so from a certain perspective, there's really no other way they could've done it.



A couple new things have been added, including a longer intro with Roger starring on an acceptably dated Letterman-type talk show. The vine maze, the excruciating one where you needed to weave through extremely narrow tentacles lest you be eaten by the beast they were connected to, has been changed. If you successfully complete it, you're actually killed - instead, there's a totally different solution. Subversively clever or extremely obnoxious? It's hard to say. The hunter has also been changed to look like the Predator. And there's a hidden staircase which triggers a password request, which is causing a ruckus on their forums. Apparently there's also a new game-within-a-game later on. I gave up at the underground maze, where Roger's movement kept glitching out on me.



The graphics are done in the style of the VGA games with full voiceovers. Since there are barely any characters, most of the acting is supplied by the typically snarky narrator, whose voice is so weird and deep it sounds like it may have been run through a modulator. It does technically make the game easier to navigate at least, and there's enough detail in the environment to make some new area descriptions and commentary worthwhile. At the end of it day, it's hard to say that this is actually a GOOD game, but it succeeds in making Space Quest II slightly less annoying, so mission accomplished on that.

Next Up: Space Quest: Vohaul's Strikes Back.



This is a brand new game that basically acts as a seventh Space Quest game. (There was a project called Space Quest 7 at one point, which was even worked on by Josh Mandel, who worked for Sierra on some of the earlier games, but stopped due to some disagreements on ownership with Vivendi/Activision or whoever held the rights to Sierra's catalogue.)



It's also really good. It's 2D and runs in high res 800x600. The style of the sprites looks similar to Space Quest 6, though the backgrounds are much more detailed. There's no voice acting (yet) but the writing is very solid and silly. The Smell and Taste icons are gone, but like SQ6 the Taste functionality has essentially been combined with the Talk command.

Like a lot of later generation Sierra titles, the back end of the Space Quest series was somewhat inconsistent, what with the wacky slapdash SQIV followed up by the Star Trek spoof SQV before ending with the strangely depressing SQ6. Tonally they were all very different from one another, but this remake does the excellent job of bringing the best of these together into a cohesive whole.



The story begins with Roger and his future wife Beatrice (who was almost entirely forgotten in the sixth game) taking a romantic vacation before they are interrupted by Vohaul's minions. Yes, the evil scientist from SQII and SQIV is back, now inhabiting an incredibly slapdash robotic body (its legs look like large coffee cans and it appears to be powered by a hamster). Of course, craziness ensues, with Beatrice being kidnapped and Roger bumbling through dangerous environments to save her. You can be killed, but you can also pick up slightly before your moment of death. The conversations are handled LucasArts-style, which works very well in characterizing both Roger and Beatrice. I haven't played enough to really gauge the overall quality of the game, but the first twenty minutes are definitely satisfying.

Also released like a few hours after I'd written this up is another totally new fan game, Space Quest: Incinerations. Haven't even downloaded it yet, but expect a write-up soon!


<center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/spacequest/sqvsb-5.jpg"></center><br /> <br /> It's barely two weeks in 2012, and the new year has already been great for classic adventure game fans, which has brought us not one, but two (UPDATE: three!) fan-made Space Quest games released almost right next to each other. The previous SQ fangames I'd played with made with the AGI engine, like the first two games...and weren't very good. These, however, are both much better. Like all other fan games of this type, they are also free. (Also bone up on the series with the article on the <a href="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/spacequest/spacequest.htm">official entries of the Space Quest</a> series.<br /> <br /> First of, the <a href="http://www.infamous-adventures.com/home/index.php?page=sq2">Space Quest II remake</a>! This was developed by <a href="http://www.infamous-adventures.com/home/">Infamous Adventures</a>, the guys who released the first Kings Quest III remake, which ended up being not QUITE as good as AGD Interactive's, which was released a bit later, but was decent nonetheless.<br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/spacequest/sq2-2.png"><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/spacequest/sq2r-3.png"></center><br /> <br /> <span class="fullpost">The original Space Quest II is easily the worst game of the series. (Original on the left, remake on the right). There's barely any plot beyond "Roger escapes from terrible jungle planet", so pretty much the entire game came down to navigating through numerous dangers and dead-ends until you stumbled your way to the end. Many of the other Sierra remakes have cleaned up some of the more archaic elements of these older games, but the Space Quest II remake is not one of them. Pretty much every ridiculous death and dead end is preserved, which is one way is maddening. But in another way, fixing any of this would changed the entire fabric of the game to the point of pointlessness, so from a certain perspective, there's really no other way they could've done it.<br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/spacequest/sq2-4.png"><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/spacequest/sq2r-1.png"></center><br /> <br /> A couple new things have been added, including a longer intro with Roger starring on an acceptably dated Letterman-type talk show. The vine maze, the excruciating one where you needed to weave through extremely narrow tentacles lest you be eaten by the beast they were connected to, has been changed. If you successfully complete it, you're actually killed - instead, there's a totally different solution. Subversively clever or extremely obnoxious? It's hard to say. The hunter has also been changed to look like the Predator. And there's a hidden staircase which triggers a password request, which is causing a ruckus on their <a href="http://www.infamous-adventures.com/forum/index.php?board=131.0">forums</a>. Apparently there's also a new game-within-a-game later on. I gave up at the underground maze, where Roger's movement kept glitching out on me.<br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/spacequest/sq2r-5.png"></center><br /> <br /> The graphics are done in the style of the VGA games with full voiceovers. Since there are barely any characters, most of the acting is supplied by the typically snarky narrator, whose voice is so weird and deep it sounds like it may have been run through a modulator. It does technically make the game easier to navigate at least, and there's enough detail in the environment to make some new area descriptions and commentary worthwhile. At the end of it day, it's hard to say that this is actually a GOOD game, but it succeeds in making Space Quest II slightly less annoying, so mission accomplished on that.<br /> <br /> Next Up: <a href="http://www.sqvsb.com/">Space Quest: Vohaul's Strikes Back</a>.<br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/spacequest/sqvsb-1.jpg"></center><br /> <br /> This is a brand new game that basically acts as a seventh Space Quest game. (There was a project called Space Quest 7 at one point, which was even worked on by Josh Mandel, who worked for Sierra on some of the earlier games, but stopped due to some disagreements on ownership with Vivendi/Activision or whoever held the rights to Sierra's catalogue.) <br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/spacequest/sqvsb-2.jpg"></center><br /> <br /> It's also really good. It's 2D and runs in high res 800x600. The style of the sprites looks similar to Space Quest 6, though the backgrounds are much more detailed. There's no voice acting (yet) but the writing is very solid and silly. The Smell and Taste icons are gone, but like SQ6 the Taste functionality has essentially been combined with the Talk command. <br /> <br /> Like a lot of later generation Sierra titles, the back end of the Space Quest series was somewhat inconsistent, what with the wacky slapdash SQIV followed up by the Star Trek spoof SQV before ending with the strangely depressing SQ6. Tonally they were all very different from one another, but this remake does the excellent job of bringing the best of these together into a cohesive whole. <br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/spacequest/sqvsb-1.jpg"></center><br /> <br /> The story begins with Roger and his future wife Beatrice (who was almost entirely forgotten in the sixth game) taking a romantic vacation before they are interrupted by Vohaul's minions. Yes, the evil scientist from SQII and SQIV is back, now inhabiting an incredibly slapdash robotic body (its legs look like large coffee cans and it appears to be powered by a hamster). Of course, craziness ensues, with Beatrice being kidnapped and Roger bumbling through dangerous environments to save her. You can be killed, but you can also pick up slightly before your moment of death. The conversations are handled LucasArts-style, which works very well in characterizing both Roger and Beatrice. I haven't played enough to really gauge the overall quality of the game, but the first twenty minutes are definitely satisfying.<br /> <br /> Also released like a few hours after I'd written this up is another totally new fan game, <a href="http://www.boxofmystery.com/games/incinerations/">Space Quest: Incinerations</a>. Haven't even downloaded it yet, but expect a write-up soon!<br /> <br /> </span>

Gunhed / Blazing Lazers

There was a manga called Gunhed. There was a live-action movie called Gunhed. There was a game for the PC-Engine called Gunhed (aka: Blazing Lazers in the USA for TG16). There was also a Gunhed game for the ZX Spectrum in the UK All were somehow connected. This is about the movie.



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.
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Truth be told I have no idea of the real intricacies between all three. According to Wikipedia – which is a bastion for misinformation and outright lies – first came the manga by Kia Asamiya, which resulted in creation of the film, upon which the game was then based. I don’t believe this though, since apart from an identical title the game is an overrated vertical shmup with seemingly no similarities. Also, the film credits list Hudson, implying that the film either came after or was made concurrently with the game. If the film was indeed made after or alongside the same game, then it’s another early adaptation, perhaps akin to Cyber Ninja?

The film itself, meanwhile, is simultaneously the worst and most awesome film I have ever seen. It is celluloid kusoge in its most concentrated form. A cinematic trainwreck so epic in its failings you can’t help but rubberneck through its 94 minutes, stunned at how it managed to be made. People accuse me of complaining too much about things, so it may seem strange that I paid for trash and claim to enjoy it. I discovered Gunhed by accident on eBay, recognised the name, and bought it for £5. The key point is I went in without expectations and, watching it with friends, it provided endless material for mockery and jokes. What connection has it got to Gunhed/Blazing Lazers on the PCE/TG16? Probably nothing at all!

The plot is pure, incoherent bullshit. Maybe the manga made more sense, but I’ve never read it and, watching the film, the script appears to have been typed by an alcoholic Chihuahua, ambling back and forth over a typewriter. It’ll take several viewings to actually piece it together, such is the confusing nature of it, but to make things easy: There was a war against a giant AI called Kyron5, on an island, which controlled the world but then became evil and tried to kill humanity. Think Skynet from Terminator. Humanity wins.

Next it’s the future, 2030, and a new element called Texmexium (this should be your first clue as to the film’s quality) is discovered. Microchips are also really valuable. A bunch of thieves go to the island, 13 years after the war ended, to steal chips. All the thieves are killed off in the first 20 minutes, except the main guy and his woman, called Babe, and some geek with a bandana full of badges. Next they discover a woman from the Texas Airborn Rangers, she’s chasing a biodroid from a nuclear facility that killed people and stole some Texmexium. They team up with the Texas Ranger woman. Now it turns into Ridley Scott’s Alien meets Predator as the three run around what looks an underground carpark filled with scrap metal.

Short-sightedness is nothing to make fun of in the future. Throughout there are ridiculous props such as these.

“OK, which idiot in the props department replaced my knife with a sausage?”


Ahh, the token Asian babe, a staple of generic action movies. She soon dies.

Sunglasses dude. He doesn’t even get any lines, and is the first to die.

A fridge full of guns.

Like many films from the 1980s it features pointless shots of computer screens which look fancy but tell you nothing.

Product placement anyone? Try new Robo Cola Pepsi!

It’s just a flesh wound, I can still make it!

Token big bald dude with gun-chains draped across him. The film is full of pointless posing shots like this, where the actors try to look cool.

His name is Bancho. Hilariously, the entire film appears to have been dubbed from the original, which is weird given the mix of Japanese and western actors. The director and most staff appear to be Japanese in the credits, and maybe the entire thing was made in Japan, but why dub the Western actors too? Lip-syncing is out for most of them and the voices don’t really match up. The black dude appears to have been voiced by Cam Clarke for example (he did Kaneda in Akira, and Liquid Snake in MGS).

The lead guy carries around a cigarette box with carrot sticks which he keeps putting in his mouth, but never actually seems to eat. After this they’re attacked by something unknown in an elevator and both the black dude and bearded dude die. No shots since they were too dark to photo.

This spray is meant to emphasise it’s the future. The Texas Ranger has just been impaled on a metal spike, but a quick spray of yellow fixes it up.

It’s not just a ludicrous story and hammy acting, there are technically problems like this wide shot which loses the characters completely. Even if the film had been converted to VHS 4:3 from an original widescreen cinema reel, whoever was in charge should have re-entered the shot to avoid this. Sloppy, just sloppy.

Doesn’t it look just like Alien/Predator? Too bad it’s not as good. The geek with badges dies around this point. And then there were 3.

This bit is ridiculous. the group encounter an audio mine – which goes off based on sound. Why would anyone manufacture such a pointless security device? Surely a visual mine would make more sense - one that can see enemies. Not that it matters, the main guy recognises the device and realises it’s past its use-by-date and so doesn’t work. Except it does still work. Except he doesn’t die when it goes off.

Which guy hasn’t fantasised about his girlfriend jumping into a pool of green jello? The gang has a shoot out with the biodroid in a chamber with green goo. He dives in and swims away. Then this character, who seems to be called Babe, falls in. After this she is either transformed into a biodroid herself, by the green stuff, or she ends up linked with the biodroid that swam away. Because from this point every time we see the boidroid she appears in its visor and seems to partially control it. Is she in another dimension? If not, and she is the droid, whatever happened to the first droid? Are there two droids? Nothing in this film makes sense. After this it’s just the main guy and the Texas woman, Nim. Having shot the biodroid they also now have the Texmexium, which looks like a piece of graphite.

The best scene in the film is where the main guy rolls around in a pile of trash. Be-ba-pa-bada-boo, I said be-ba-pa-bada-boo! Jam to the beat, you jive turkey. After this the main guy and Nim find two children. Apparently survivors from the custodians who lived on the island before the robot war. They are aged 7 and 11, and are called #7 and #11. Turns out #11 is mute. But if the war ended 13 years ago, how can they be 7 and 11? After the war ended, and humans won, did the custodians stay on the island for a further two years, have kids, then later die so they had to grow up by themselves? Why weren’t they all evacuated? Why would the custodians stay on a ruined island? None of it makes sense.

More plot revelations. Turns out Kyron5 gave up the war 13 years ago because 20 years ago it psychically predicted that humanity would discover a new element, so it’s bided its time, and now there’s a countdown, and the biodroid which stole the Texmexium will re-activate Kyron5 and give it the Texmexium and it will TAKE OVER THE WORLD after using a special activation word which it doesn’t know. Yeah, I have no idea what’s going on either.

This is the biodroid, which looks like a kind of mechanical fly.

This is Babe, trapped in the machine, or in another dimension linked to the machine. Look, stop asking questions, I’m having enough trouble trying to coherently type this up without nitpickers demanding an adherence to some kind of narrative logic.

The only hope is for the main guy, along with #7, to rebuild a Gunhed robot left over from the war. Cue several lengthy sequences of them tinkering with garbage.


Meanwhile Nim the ranger and mute #11 start climbing the 300 floors of this tower on the island in order to reach the Kyron5 control room in order to... do something, something... Why they couldn’t hang with the main guy and help fix the robot I don’t know. Anyway, there is this awesome sequence where the droid uses a magical laser grappling hook device, which can bend around corners, to shoot all the way up the building and grab the Texmexium right out of Nim’s pocket. Seriously, that’s the plot twist right there. He uses magical lasers to take it without a fight. Doh!

Eventually Gunhed gets rebuilt and can talk to them and they go off to reach the Kyron5 control room several hundreds floors above the ground. The Gunhead unit is a tank though, and it’s never quite explained how it’s going to get up there. Turns out it can drive on walls – no, seriously, the thing just shoots a grappling hook and then rocket boosts up the side of a 300 story building. But before that it has to drive through a canal of oil. Presumably engine oil? This oil has been sitting there for at least 13 years, and the Gunhed unit leaks, so the main guy gets coated in it. So what does he do? He pops out his fingers and starts brushing his teeth with the oil. For the love of God man, that stuff must be filthy and probably fatally toxic, what the hell are you doing?! I’m not even making this crap up.

There’s a confusing bit where he needs some coolant so he gets out the tank and runs around this carpark for a bit.

It might not be clear from the photo, but there’s a weird bit where there’s a radio message, presumably from Nim, who says they’ve been coming across stashes of food and water (where did it come from?!), they’ve marked safe stuff with the number 7, and bad stuff with the number 11. Apart from the logical problem of why not just get rid of the bad stuff, why leave rotting food in a cupboard but mark it with the number 11, there’s the added of problem of when did they find time to do this? All the action appears to take place over the course of one day. Do they really need access to snacks that badly? This cupboard was marked 7, meaning it’s not rotten, but I’m at a loss to work out when Nim got there, where the supplies came from, or indeed why they felt the need to mark stuff. Couldn’t they dispose of bad stuff and just leave good stuff, and if they did, would they need to point out: this is food?

Nothing like backlit shots of a toy model.

Up until this point #7 seemed to be travelling with the main guy, but then suddenly he abandons the Gunhed to stay on this level and drop bombs down below to distact the Kyron5 defence systems. After which it cuts to a totally random scene of him watering this garden. There’s no context, he just decides to go off and abandon his post, where he’s supposed to be activating bombs, to water some lettuce. Turns out Nim and #11 are on this level and, hearing a noise he starts firing a machinegun into the dark.


The next scene switches back to the Gunhed and the main guy. They’re running out of time and now the Gunhed is out of fuel. Ahh well, we’re all dead, right? Not so! The Gunhed unit explains he can run on anything, even whiskey. And yes, you guessed it, those barrels are whiskey barrels. At this point I had to pause the tape to laugh loudly for a good 2-3 minutes. That’s right folks, the entire film hinges around: A GIANT ROBOTO THAT RUNS ON WHISKEY! How did all those barrels of whiskey end up on an island housing an AI that controlled the world and started a robot/human war 13 years ago? Did it belong to the island’s custodians and scientists? Were they all a bunch of alcoholics and that’s why the AI went mad? Did #7 and #11’ parents die from alcoholism? Who cares, there’s A GIANT ROBOTO THAT RUNS ON WHISKEY!

Next we switch to #11 who is her knees screaming, and Nim goes to hug her. It appears she was shot and now light is pouring out of her mouth. Is she a robot? Did the machinegun bullets create light in her stomach? Is #7 a robot too? WTF is going on here?! The next line is great as #7 says to his presumably dying sister, in a tone that can only imply major sociopathic tendencies: “Serves you right, you scared me.” After this #11 jumps up, shuts a gate locking Nim and #7 inside, and then climbs up to reach the green water room and place the Texmexium on a pedestal. I can’t remember how she ended up with it – I think they fought the biodroid at some point. Amazingly, once she reaches this section the wounds in #11 are totally healed and she’s back to normal. Was it nanomachines? Was she a droid? Were the bullets only set to stun? If you know the answer, please don’t bother telling me – I don’t care.

Then there’s a whole bunch of running around and badly lit action scenes with the Gunhed plus Nim shooting the biodroid. If you’re disappointed by the photos I’ve got, it’s because every action shot in the film was poorly lit and so close you couldn’t see anything. Obviously done to cut costs, since flashy edits of nothing happening can make it look like action.

This is exactly what it looks like.

During a showdown with the biodroid, Babe, who appears trapped in some kind of dimension of fuzzy TV static, pulls the pin out of a grenade on her belt and, back in the real world, the biodroid disappears in a flash of light. Nope, I have no ****ing idea what happened there either. The biodroid didn’t pull the pin, it was just her, in another world, somehow connected.

With all bad guys dead we finally get a kissing scene between Nim and the main guy. All two seconds of it.

“This means we’re going to have sex later, right?”

Does this mean you two are our new mommy and daddy?

The happy ending. I don’t know what young number 7 is seeing in this shot, but crikey the boy seems happy to be seeing it. My guess: is it boobs? Either that or the golden arches of McDonalds. It’s probably boobs.

And now for our ending bonus:
The Credits, which I uploaded to Youtube. The main theme sounds like something from Panzer Dragoon, with drums and eerie percussion, and then it suddenly switches to a J-Pop song. Come on everyone, sing along even if you don’t know the lyrics.


<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjhUt4bIiyD5GZ6eBrx6_TZ41OCkJNicySTppQMIUgvClWhTlxSqAxnuATOTX8yAsZGWZFyLQTt3omp3OZ49wfo6KsQpXcFlOx7JoU_RSQZZMhdkQtBoixiXSEDtxVkmLIrAXFemGq8Ig/s1600/AAAGunhedposter.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328790972649394" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjhUt4bIiyD5GZ6eBrx6_TZ41OCkJNicySTppQMIUgvClWhTlxSqAxnuATOTX8yAsZGWZFyLQTt3omp3OZ49wfo6KsQpXcFlOx7JoU_RSQZZMhdkQtBoixiXSEDtxVkmLIrAXFemGq8Ig/s400/AAAGunhedposter.jpg" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 179px;" /></a><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:hyphenationzone>21</w:HyphenationZone> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:applybreakingrules/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--><br />There was a manga called Gunhed. There was a live-action movie called Gunhed. There was a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blazing_Lazers">game for the PC-Engine called Gunhed (aka: Blazing Lazers in the USA for TG16</a>). There was also a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHcA5el99HU">Gunhed game for the ZX Spectrum in the UK</a> All were somehow connected. This is about the movie.<br /><br /><br /><span class="fullpost"><br />.<br />.<br />.<br />Truth be told I have no idea of the real intricacies between all three. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gunhed_%28film%29">According to Wikipedia</a> – which is a bastion for misinformation and outright lies – first came the manga by Kia Asamiya, which resulted in creation of the film, upon which the game was then based. I don’t believe this though, since apart from an identical title the game is an overrated vertical shmup with seemingly no similarities. Also, the film credits list Hudson, implying that the film either came after or was made concurrently with the game. If the film was indeed made after or alongside the same game, then it’s another early adaptation, perhaps akin to <a href="http://blog.hardcoregaming101.net/2009/11/tale-of-cyber-ninja.html">Cyber Ninja</a>?<br /><br />The film itself, meanwhile, is simultaneously the worst and most awesome film I have ever seen. It is celluloid kusoge in its most concentrated form. A cinematic trainwreck so epic in its failings you can’t help but rubberneck through its 94 minutes, stunned at how it managed to be made. People accuse me of complaining too much about things, so it may seem strange that I paid for trash and claim to enjoy it. I discovered Gunhed by accident on eBay, recognised the name, and bought it for £5. The key point is I went in without expectations and, watching it with friends, it provided endless material for mockery and jokes. What connection has it got to Gunhed/Blazing Lazers on the PCE/TG16? Probably nothing at all!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLdv66WqsIubSfDf0JMVf-HijXwNQErY9nCxjf0ukiMSZThDcgk3QP4UE5ngcmPpgK8A50iaVIUuKps4Im7GmY0GTL3_9NUBoXuZb3sRsz1_f0Fu2QvVcktBCEPJaOoQgw52P9effCmZI/s1600/DSC02230.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328794781276802" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLdv66WqsIubSfDf0JMVf-HijXwNQErY9nCxjf0ukiMSZThDcgk3QP4UE5ngcmPpgK8A50iaVIUuKps4Im7GmY0GTL3_9NUBoXuZb3sRsz1_f0Fu2QvVcktBCEPJaOoQgw52P9effCmZI/s400/DSC02230.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 292px;" /></a>The plot is pure, incoherent bullshit. Maybe the manga made more sense, but I’ve never read it and, watching the film, the script appears to have been typed by an alcoholic Chihuahua, ambling back and forth over a typewriter. It’ll take several viewings to actually piece it together, such is the confusing nature of it, but to make things easy: There was a war against a giant AI called Kyron5, on an island, which controlled the world but then became evil and tried to kill humanity. Think Skynet from Terminator. Humanity wins.<br /><br />Next it’s the future, 2030, and a new element called Texmexium (this should be your first clue as to the film’s quality) is discovered. Microchips are also really valuable. A bunch of thieves go to the island, 13 years after the war ended, to steal chips. All the thieves are killed off in the first 20 minutes, except the main guy and his woman, called Babe, and some geek with a bandana full of badges. Next they discover a woman from the Texas Airborn Rangers, she’s chasing a biodroid from a nuclear facility that killed people and stole some Texmexium. They team up with the Texas Ranger woman. Now it turns into Ridley Scott’s Alien meets Predator as the three run around what looks an underground carpark filled with scrap metal.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzTntpL4VFHVT5OUexWcnjveiUBx8kq41V04ady3lWojwcplLNx6C7tqVGbopPYoWhZnQWZe2k1k7p6OxGzIC3hzmJg5CkyD7Sj_d9Sq4zovvAAXhDYY3840FY28wlQE61AYUoYLWMozc/s1600/DSC02232.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328802345743538" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzTntpL4VFHVT5OUexWcnjveiUBx8kq41V04ady3lWojwcplLNx6C7tqVGbopPYoWhZnQWZe2k1k7p6OxGzIC3hzmJg5CkyD7Sj_d9Sq4zovvAAXhDYY3840FY28wlQE61AYUoYLWMozc/s400/DSC02232.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 349px; height: 245px;" /></a>Short-sightedness is nothing to make fun of in the future. Throughout there are ridiculous props such as these.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJmrRHUMvgPKsbEiFpPWagNJUsmVLwJn8gzKzDVuxcOhSJqs7f_d22EY0zJ5jhBGBvjr0ks30KMETACCMSMlQlqCwyIgj2FLdQpe1H0T4mwISTKqK6u8epDxv9Fdola0GBmyqv0nLCprI/s1600/DSC02233.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328806814422978" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJmrRHUMvgPKsbEiFpPWagNJUsmVLwJn8gzKzDVuxcOhSJqs7f_d22EY0zJ5jhBGBvjr0ks30KMETACCMSMlQlqCwyIgj2FLdQpe1H0T4mwISTKqK6u8epDxv9Fdola0GBmyqv0nLCprI/s400/DSC02233.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 381px; height: 271px;" /></a>“OK, which idiot in the props department replaced my knife with a sausage?”<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMWMscdXpS5t1iBdLdVIWyDelC66AaVQ_HZFUVKyQ-2DcBmMkLLC56nV3DSurYgClTj17jQbk8FtTXhKBExB8RA5VbTpZfXIEooITl077IazrDk_3S3kzPvwqbZ0LAZE7R0cAeXu44YNI/s1600/DSC02234.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328814138936498" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMWMscdXpS5t1iBdLdVIWyDelC66AaVQ_HZFUVKyQ-2DcBmMkLLC56nV3DSurYgClTj17jQbk8FtTXhKBExB8RA5VbTpZfXIEooITl077IazrDk_3S3kzPvwqbZ0LAZE7R0cAeXu44YNI/s400/DSC02234.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 372px; height: 263px;" /></a>Ahh, the token Asian babe, a staple of generic action movies. She soon dies.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFzv1oSuGw5ytaMegAU8p2HPXwXtGmS8GO9DUzmPyVrtBp0QUCxIE5hJgs2BVeH34p1CyyQv2jolRqmoEYArZaUg03JL_17Idbb-EupQjUAbW3Iu9OSAMuAGD3waxnyetljJPK0Giq140/s1600/DSC02235.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328613990356658" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFzv1oSuGw5ytaMegAU8p2HPXwXtGmS8GO9DUzmPyVrtBp0QUCxIE5hJgs2BVeH34p1CyyQv2jolRqmoEYArZaUg03JL_17Idbb-EupQjUAbW3Iu9OSAMuAGD3waxnyetljJPK0Giq140/s400/DSC02235.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 324px; height: 231px;" /></a>Sunglasses dude. He doesn’t even get any lines, and is the first to die.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwasYKAfndj3oo3ED3GgQFSHTXKHq_0tzUJwnMz1LLu5VaKhyphenhyphenCz3ykcKTU8Hz9U8m_1oAgVAhnkF1nxrnsocHSHpdT2MwDzmOJlOSFc2Dy316Tj0uxFO4-hKQV1n37QUNJaTgQ_V5otys/s1600/DSC02236.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328609726199042" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwasYKAfndj3oo3ED3GgQFSHTXKHq_0tzUJwnMz1LLu5VaKhyphenhyphenCz3ykcKTU8Hz9U8m_1oAgVAhnkF1nxrnsocHSHpdT2MwDzmOJlOSFc2Dy316Tj0uxFO4-hKQV1n37QUNJaTgQ_V5otys/s400/DSC02236.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 350px; height: 258px;" /></a>A fridge full of guns.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO91hvMhwlGswrZ2IGxC6olAQUF6eBACKYyjko6nL_N8bmO2-Md_BDNMiZR3r0VjokILiZ3q_4Ye32DJ5qbTYXIIUXqiNQyVh-WIjW9ZU3cTXQ2AHn3tH-zd-xMXIBBRKraBtWaifZDV4/s1600/DSC02239.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328601211660226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO91hvMhwlGswrZ2IGxC6olAQUF6eBACKYyjko6nL_N8bmO2-Md_BDNMiZR3r0VjokILiZ3q_4Ye32DJ5qbTYXIIUXqiNQyVh-WIjW9ZU3cTXQ2AHn3tH-zd-xMXIBBRKraBtWaifZDV4/s400/DSC02239.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 361px; height: 272px;" /></a>Like many films from the 1980s it features pointless shots of computer screens which look fancy but tell you nothing.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2eDJ_AxIkltJ1eKZlP9-iV1R4omzLcF84AIjpGB94DyhRDfmuVUjYns-WSHNBU_0q66S5_Kn8IAdb-3ZUDVTjGXLTYBLL7P_0kxLv1YsKxI7fONV6gLDK33kJBguSDGw-Sre1SR2BDak/s1600/DSC02240.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328598216650434" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2eDJ_AxIkltJ1eKZlP9-iV1R4omzLcF84AIjpGB94DyhRDfmuVUjYns-WSHNBU_0q66S5_Kn8IAdb-3ZUDVTjGXLTYBLL7P_0kxLv1YsKxI7fONV6gLDK33kJBguSDGw-Sre1SR2BDak/s400/DSC02240.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 361px; height: 268px;" /></a>Product placement anyone? Try new Robo Cola Pepsi!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLTsgYxSIUZYEpN-6eeHKfr1RsBBa1O2TFu9XYJtnOwcqYf5RZfgXz_U0ktivJR2ZKqtI1AHIcPm2G17meBc1iOxa5HF1i5f_ztYZi2CcV8Q3-W4yHr8jOF5_XcAZ8lATQJhZfmQoW69o/s1600/DSC02241.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328594940967874" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLTsgYxSIUZYEpN-6eeHKfr1RsBBa1O2TFu9XYJtnOwcqYf5RZfgXz_U0ktivJR2ZKqtI1AHIcPm2G17meBc1iOxa5HF1i5f_ztYZi2CcV8Q3-W4yHr8jOF5_XcAZ8lATQJhZfmQoW69o/s400/DSC02241.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 325px; height: 236px;" /></a>It’s just a flesh wound, I can still make it!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoDBUcrkfz5DvWL8kydyACtW67mlKC540hlsTOmcKyjTaqL6abbQJMwoeOeeCPCB3-puZE1Ir_MgAbHHm_Wqavsq0PkEM1f_kv9SrTVdELEV6Wf0ON0azEjcxNqKOSNJ3mHR_UCzYgFaw/s1600/DSC02242.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328436420358130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoDBUcrkfz5DvWL8kydyACtW67mlKC540hlsTOmcKyjTaqL6abbQJMwoeOeeCPCB3-puZE1Ir_MgAbHHm_Wqavsq0PkEM1f_kv9SrTVdELEV6Wf0ON0azEjcxNqKOSNJ3mHR_UCzYgFaw/s400/DSC02242.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 337px; height: 252px;" /></a>Token big bald dude with gun-chains draped across him. The film is full of pointless posing shots like this, where the actors try to look cool.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPVHb5ZHw-4yUfBEf-Fk1R464XjuVDRd2A8dywyWIS-I0edXfSuJq7mnJM_WsXH3k2wBbaijmFuvZApySFK4ZfvAXK7dJe7ekaGBEZsGMvqHCqhSi1DP5Lg9vihRim9jKmrpqFBUOwBgs/s1600/DSC02243.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328426447792946" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPVHb5ZHw-4yUfBEf-Fk1R464XjuVDRd2A8dywyWIS-I0edXfSuJq7mnJM_WsXH3k2wBbaijmFuvZApySFK4ZfvAXK7dJe7ekaGBEZsGMvqHCqhSi1DP5Lg9vihRim9jKmrpqFBUOwBgs/s400/DSC02243.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 359px; height: 261px;" /></a> His name is Bancho. Hilariously, the entire film appears to have been dubbed from the original, which is weird given the mix of Japanese and western actors. The director and most staff appear to be Japanese in the credits, and maybe the entire thing was made in Japan, but why dub the Western actors too? Lip-syncing is out for most of them and the voices don’t really match up. The black dude appears to have been voiced by Cam Clarke for example (he did Kaneda in Akira, and Liquid Snake in MGS).<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJw8xL314oMRNMj1o8EhzlETwKuQK7QkkPMYbomb7CZe8ekFl5IEfngdaKztK6ioWuXdFEsOJNozk1I19DqqeHCtAiif7a0f3tSvJwhQGT2AsLfVf_U3Zwx-xj-eIgWMEvKsRllHfNvkI/s1600/DSC02244.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328419425363490" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJw8xL314oMRNMj1o8EhzlETwKuQK7QkkPMYbomb7CZe8ekFl5IEfngdaKztK6ioWuXdFEsOJNozk1I19DqqeHCtAiif7a0f3tSvJwhQGT2AsLfVf_U3Zwx-xj-eIgWMEvKsRllHfNvkI/s400/DSC02244.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 386px; height: 286px;" /></a>The lead guy carries around a cigarette box with carrot sticks which he keeps putting in his mouth, but never actually seems to eat. After this they’re attacked by something unknown in an elevator and both the black dude and bearded dude die. No shots since they were too dark to photo.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgreTwZtLx1Efq7IGVhhXfjOdn9OE0FLMkLXHSN2K1zsIjw-J-et7q6ugf9shBTkMo7uJK0A9pAspFPNZcq4YS-Nf5-cKekMNnQVDqnMrkh5XnNZTRGwfuLGtaBAcG0B7TriyDGa9STDpo/s1600/DSC02246.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328416431935426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgreTwZtLx1Efq7IGVhhXfjOdn9OE0FLMkLXHSN2K1zsIjw-J-et7q6ugf9shBTkMo7uJK0A9pAspFPNZcq4YS-Nf5-cKekMNnQVDqnMrkh5XnNZTRGwfuLGtaBAcG0B7TriyDGa9STDpo/s400/DSC02246.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 351px; height: 261px;" /></a>This spray is meant to emphasise it’s the future. The Texas Ranger has just been impaled on a metal spike, but a quick spray of yellow fixes it up.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjopsoHQxklpS0mD15yPk6-CW8rENZ2-XMUvSrcsL71OChs6x0aGNmCu0aXCPwOL79rjiyVVhQ6XDHDcVjxx1q0jd7llD0oh9rHFvrpc7JZMBQYVmK9Xm_HDCjJdw5fZMf-w4SV_YKfIks/s1600/DSC02247.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328412628849474" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjopsoHQxklpS0mD15yPk6-CW8rENZ2-XMUvSrcsL71OChs6x0aGNmCu0aXCPwOL79rjiyVVhQ6XDHDcVjxx1q0jd7llD0oh9rHFvrpc7JZMBQYVmK9Xm_HDCjJdw5fZMf-w4SV_YKfIks/s400/DSC02247.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 288px;" /></a>It’s not just a ludicrous story and hammy acting, there are technically problems like this wide shot which loses the characters completely. Even if the film had been converted to VHS 4:3 from an original widescreen cinema reel, whoever was in charge should have re-entered the shot to avoid this. Sloppy, just sloppy.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnX3hcuSsTsFqfEVYvkKxWiOvxI7R5CJDf_ruPRHLG847UvluSs0X32dWF7wx9XxRP63JerQTvzKhfKhp-F8JxY5y8yaq6MHTfI9tr7-HboEnXSynTvOwU5vc_krOGQpYQpaFjGnbRJ-I/s1600/DSC02250.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328086226424194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnX3hcuSsTsFqfEVYvkKxWiOvxI7R5CJDf_ruPRHLG847UvluSs0X32dWF7wx9XxRP63JerQTvzKhfKhp-F8JxY5y8yaq6MHTfI9tr7-HboEnXSynTvOwU5vc_krOGQpYQpaFjGnbRJ-I/s400/DSC02250.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 312px;" /></a>Doesn’t it look just like Alien/Predator? Too bad it’s not as good. The geek with badges dies around this point. And then there were 3.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2anpWv_Yyo6Iaf96ZAywLqFurlwRgUC1_4O4DYTCr8kHuy_u4lUqf_nEceLDAxa35oiRUCXCcDhFLKgxhIdwKpkxXwzjtsJhL6d12E8iELH8rA9Artsm5d16pItns39D-YWXGaV_zw8I/s1600/DSC02251.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328079037254370" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2anpWv_Yyo6Iaf96ZAywLqFurlwRgUC1_4O4DYTCr8kHuy_u4lUqf_nEceLDAxa35oiRUCXCcDhFLKgxhIdwKpkxXwzjtsJhL6d12E8iELH8rA9Artsm5d16pItns39D-YWXGaV_zw8I/s400/DSC02251.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 269px;" /></a>This bit is ridiculous. the group encounter an audio mine – which goes off based on sound. Why would anyone manufacture such a pointless security device? Surely a visual mine would make more sense - one that can see enemies. Not that it matters, the main guy recognises the device and realises it’s past its use-by-date and so doesn’t work. Except it does still work. Except he doesn’t die when it goes off.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8vKECKV_9Re2O9kOpWCvWhjN7bjxh4uh_ByhCyRSh8yl7C2cpI_1U7IfKICuv2yAz2Kp7AIB9iLsmQUO-dgtbP3newm0E6T9QEfW0waHkxxtjqmSOjNMEgyv2QRshqtGvJO4R5Hl6CVk/s1600/DSC02255.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328077468490306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8vKECKV_9Re2O9kOpWCvWhjN7bjxh4uh_ByhCyRSh8yl7C2cpI_1U7IfKICuv2yAz2Kp7AIB9iLsmQUO-dgtbP3newm0E6T9QEfW0waHkxxtjqmSOjNMEgyv2QRshqtGvJO4R5Hl6CVk/s400/DSC02255.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 288px;" /></a>Which guy hasn’t fantasised about his girlfriend jumping into a pool of green jello? The gang has a shoot out with the biodroid in a chamber with green goo. He dives in and swims away. Then this character, who seems to be called Babe, falls in. After this she is either transformed into a biodroid herself, by the green stuff, or she ends up linked with the biodroid that swam away. Because from this point every time we see the boidroid she appears in its visor and seems to partially control it. Is she in another dimension? If not, and she is the droid, whatever happened to the first droid? Are there two droids? Nothing in this film makes sense. After this it’s just the main guy and the Texas woman, Nim. Having shot the biodroid they also now have the Texmexium, which looks like a piece of graphite.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9O4Gm-KaPA9WpO0juYPsZAcaah_jPXDHxiJM8Te-5QTzk9XfK4mXVOJEE6d6usLE_75_MGbarh0euRiwD7MniviYE4Fc8K6NyfU0hLaZwK2wG0EtLbMKx1P-x1qO9eiskSV8okD7NG28/s1600/DSC02256.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328071976134754" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9O4Gm-KaPA9WpO0juYPsZAcaah_jPXDHxiJM8Te-5QTzk9XfK4mXVOJEE6d6usLE_75_MGbarh0euRiwD7MniviYE4Fc8K6NyfU0hLaZwK2wG0EtLbMKx1P-x1qO9eiskSV8okD7NG28/s400/DSC02256.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 274px;" /></a>The best scene in the film is where the main guy rolls around in a pile of trash. Be-ba-pa-bada-boo, I said be-ba-pa-bada-boo! Jam to the beat, you jive turkey. After this the main guy and Nim find two children. Apparently survivors from the custodians who lived on the island before the robot war. They are aged 7 and 11, and are called #7 and #11. Turns out #11 is mute. But if the war ended 13 years ago, how can they be 7 and 11? After the war ended, and humans won, did the custodians stay on the island for a further two years, have kids, then later die so they had to grow up by themselves? Why weren’t they all evacuated? Why would the custodians stay on a ruined island? None of it makes sense.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGNxAFIGII3pqis84enLkWLog5BF3yuau8xA-whV0lTV8EgjUPhNDbB1ffzUY0DV-8mO5P_YSFWxiDGgUWU27d3gUSq37HCtiHZg2R0e2TWIk2xG-Q9JCHiy6XrSjJEHLe6vioCeJUsXg/s1600/DSC02257.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696328067130509954" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGNxAFIGII3pqis84enLkWLog5BF3yuau8xA-whV0lTV8EgjUPhNDbB1ffzUY0DV-8mO5P_YSFWxiDGgUWU27d3gUSq37HCtiHZg2R0e2TWIk2xG-Q9JCHiy6XrSjJEHLe6vioCeJUsXg/s400/DSC02257.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 328px;" /></a>More plot revelations. Turns out Kyron5 gave up the war 13 years ago because 20 years ago it psychically predicted that humanity would discover a new element, so it’s bided its time, and now there’s a countdown, and the biodroid which stole the Texmexium will re-activate Kyron5 and give it the Texmexium and it will TAKE OVER THE WORLD after using a special activation word which it doesn’t know. Yeah, I have no idea what’s going on either.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisVs7nYeWKgzIUb8F0hD2P-HRIlNc1bxv_jvlNUI2Ij5ifYPp3_jX1BTRzegJXfFtnwkqDecunFuTGemL5mXRMQDAkNILwPi0ebupXvd7YYlPn3yWq653ra64TnvwQmuedzIx6StWkrV8/s1600/DSC02260.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327891138653682" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisVs7nYeWKgzIUb8F0hD2P-HRIlNc1bxv_jvlNUI2Ij5ifYPp3_jX1BTRzegJXfFtnwkqDecunFuTGemL5mXRMQDAkNILwPi0ebupXvd7YYlPn3yWq653ra64TnvwQmuedzIx6StWkrV8/s400/DSC02260.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 347px; height: 256px;" /></a>This is the biodroid, which looks like a kind of mechanical fly.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6du9YcIU04Gb1-UAMdpKLrUQIHkqPP5qjAOidyVKYo0vEtcmsOlSwyETVX7MdsqXcnIL2ntqRb82pMD6NKvwfMSC-MoQBU78XtKZD4Ae_88pjX9QbG90KCUbLuxqUnWqqJrEz8zRyfas/s1600/DSC02262.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327889422480754" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6du9YcIU04Gb1-UAMdpKLrUQIHkqPP5qjAOidyVKYo0vEtcmsOlSwyETVX7MdsqXcnIL2ntqRb82pMD6NKvwfMSC-MoQBU78XtKZD4Ae_88pjX9QbG90KCUbLuxqUnWqqJrEz8zRyfas/s400/DSC02262.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 299px;" /></a>This is Babe, trapped in the machine, or in another dimension linked to the machine. Look, stop asking questions, I’m having enough trouble trying to coherently type this up without nitpickers demanding an adherence to some kind of narrative logic.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghw3c67Vo4g5AIZromzsEzbMjwm5gI3RcxBItbhpmPp6srAyBO2y62FLN2hVdhW5Vr9I0rkoXIjzCH3tKsnof6Cx4L1SEIKM9e_S6Q0TW8oMof_D6xB0wAcDS9dsdJJQCOFu_8LWWYa3g/s1600/DSC02263.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327882241611778" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghw3c67Vo4g5AIZromzsEzbMjwm5gI3RcxBItbhpmPp6srAyBO2y62FLN2hVdhW5Vr9I0rkoXIjzCH3tKsnof6Cx4L1SEIKM9e_S6Q0TW8oMof_D6xB0wAcDS9dsdJJQCOFu_8LWWYa3g/s400/DSC02263.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 294px;" /></a>The only hope is for the main guy, along with #7, to rebuild a Gunhed robot left over from the war. Cue several lengthy sequences of them tinkering with garbage.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8VrCbAQcCGCsrQ7GrovJbzuVRNJMbYf7DMU6vUP8CLUChqER2Jp8taqsoINlnXaCO94yykQstqWJwOhinyoq_4g05WPTbMZi1446_g9VWK4cJUGkz90iCpvjyk5v0Dp50HdCN8F2-7kU/s1600/DSC02265.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327872440275650" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8VrCbAQcCGCsrQ7GrovJbzuVRNJMbYf7DMU6vUP8CLUChqER2Jp8taqsoINlnXaCO94yykQstqWJwOhinyoq_4g05WPTbMZi1446_g9VWK4cJUGkz90iCpvjyk5v0Dp50HdCN8F2-7kU/s400/DSC02265.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 298px;" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmxejEzRGl07GuKYKbzT2C2iXw1PyORE4CVji4azdav2I1qBsl6YxMETQCKEgEEvUYqInSHVFYqF7AzXS8MF1fj0YOfgFJUK7j7LJqM2zwvTrQAfp1zO59p52WiZKTly_epi6JI_xkgPc/s1600/DSC02266.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327871630018818" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmxejEzRGl07GuKYKbzT2C2iXw1PyORE4CVji4azdav2I1qBsl6YxMETQCKEgEEvUYqInSHVFYqF7AzXS8MF1fj0YOfgFJUK7j7LJqM2zwvTrQAfp1zO59p52WiZKTly_epi6JI_xkgPc/s400/DSC02266.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 382px; height: 299px;" /></a>Meanwhile Nim the ranger and mute #11 start climbing the 300 floors of this tower on the island in order to reach the Kyron5 control room in order to... do something, something... Why they couldn’t hang with the main guy and help fix the robot I don’t know. Anyway, there is this awesome sequence where the droid uses a magical laser grappling hook device, which can bend around corners, to shoot all the way up the building and grab the Texmexium right out of Nim’s pocket. Seriously, that’s the plot twist right there. He uses magical lasers to take it without a fight. Doh!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiidHKLwlJQned9CVm5yFXwub_XrrLZ92VKqjmJz2Ejx-10FfLbl5ByraccKGcoDDmIEUeL3Tk23s08kDLvqdHD10S2zpUFyCH1OEB6GmC9AY_036kTmqH0mQ5Z31fJflgygFHTOK4N80/s1600/DSC02270.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327681856086370" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiidHKLwlJQned9CVm5yFXwub_XrrLZ92VKqjmJz2Ejx-10FfLbl5ByraccKGcoDDmIEUeL3Tk23s08kDLvqdHD10S2zpUFyCH1OEB6GmC9AY_036kTmqH0mQ5Z31fJflgygFHTOK4N80/s400/DSC02270.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 301px;" /></a>Eventually Gunhed gets rebuilt and can talk to them and they go off to reach the Kyron5 control room several hundreds floors above the ground. The Gunhead unit is a tank though, and it’s never quite explained how it’s going to get up there. Turns out it can drive on walls – no, seriously, the thing just shoots a grappling hook and then rocket boosts up the side of a 300 story building. But before that it has to drive through a canal of oil. Presumably engine oil? This oil has been sitting there for at least 13 years, and the Gunhed unit leaks, so the main guy gets coated in it. So what does he do? He pops out his fingers and starts brushing his teeth with the oil. For the love of God man, that stuff must be filthy and probably fatally toxic, what the hell are you doing?! I’m not even making this crap up.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpicsIEuplOxJr12p6dc9EBcMQM3TpJyuXN4KxiRJzF43CvnZulsAh_FsJ_tIIbblKjE_pkJ2RlgPRQnI4qSQwauBaHZg3ogqIUkl0CHuzpTKfHvbgA_lDMQIVT9mW5SiO0P2u0PjLJ5Q/s1600/DSC02271.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327671824680498" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpicsIEuplOxJr12p6dc9EBcMQM3TpJyuXN4KxiRJzF43CvnZulsAh_FsJ_tIIbblKjE_pkJ2RlgPRQnI4qSQwauBaHZg3ogqIUkl0CHuzpTKfHvbgA_lDMQIVT9mW5SiO0P2u0PjLJ5Q/s400/DSC02271.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 305px;" /></a>There’s a confusing bit where he needs some coolant so he gets out the tank and runs around this carpark for a bit.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIugl1lKREiIYfiXqkX19FP37tsHaA75kwxtnnyLuYVsv_IuUtCbV3wHlehG4rE4KwRjvGEHqJc8ZXd7zD9w7a7gX-dGFmihyFBaome0j66w-3SAokqzBhoB1aLi2eArzqu7lI2YMviIc/s1600/DSC02272.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327664976084898" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIugl1lKREiIYfiXqkX19FP37tsHaA75kwxtnnyLuYVsv_IuUtCbV3wHlehG4rE4KwRjvGEHqJc8ZXd7zD9w7a7gX-dGFmihyFBaome0j66w-3SAokqzBhoB1aLi2eArzqu7lI2YMviIc/s400/DSC02272.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 288px;" /></a>It might not be clear from the photo, but there’s a weird bit where there’s a radio message, presumably from Nim, who says they’ve been coming across stashes of food and water (where did it come from?!), they’ve marked safe stuff with the number 7, and bad stuff with the number 11. Apart from the logical problem of why not just get rid of the bad stuff, why leave rotting food in a cupboard but mark it with the number 11, there’s the added of problem of when did they find time to do this? All the action appears to take place over the course of one day. Do they really need access to snacks that badly? This cupboard was marked 7, meaning it’s not rotten, but I’m at a loss to work out when Nim got there, where the supplies came from, or indeed why they felt the need to mark stuff. Couldn’t they dispose of bad stuff and just leave good stuff, and if they did, would they need to point out: this is food?<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxL9nlJ8Ijze7el0vY7L5xY_XsHBEV_1sWGq-VgcVA5fRx5U9xEEp63mEcVnMvOEAHJQZx_qdccXyp-_Jx_jKjWaDakphUwFlbygcIJcT-DA291cbWxlaYBgZKU-uUXK_bh9x_amzJhm8/s1600/DSC02274.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327658414408146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxL9nlJ8Ijze7el0vY7L5xY_XsHBEV_1sWGq-VgcVA5fRx5U9xEEp63mEcVnMvOEAHJQZx_qdccXyp-_Jx_jKjWaDakphUwFlbygcIJcT-DA291cbWxlaYBgZKU-uUXK_bh9x_amzJhm8/s400/DSC02274.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 297px;" /></a>Nothing like backlit shots of a toy model.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOb1u1FyV-4RbuRPeiUfadfrX3BzLbH-UXPIq5eJ3n0te7JQyRGcQ6vuawVrIyp3KYx7dkyFQUoA3wbFYx8qKqcFT7Y-CSRGaUUtkpdujdawHapNvQZiELUNS7nirnmv4NIZ6-cUxTQKk/s1600/DSC02275.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327661961611474" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOb1u1FyV-4RbuRPeiUfadfrX3BzLbH-UXPIq5eJ3n0te7JQyRGcQ6vuawVrIyp3KYx7dkyFQUoA3wbFYx8qKqcFT7Y-CSRGaUUtkpdujdawHapNvQZiELUNS7nirnmv4NIZ6-cUxTQKk/s400/DSC02275.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 314px;" /></a>Up until this point #7 seemed to be travelling with the main guy, but then suddenly he abandons the Gunhed to stay on this level and drop bombs down below to distact the Kyron5 defence systems. After which it cuts to a totally random scene of him watering this garden. There’s no context, he just decides to go off and abandon his post, where he’s supposed to be activating bombs, to water some lettuce. Turns out Nim and #11 are on this level and, hearing a noise he starts firing a machinegun into the dark.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv-tjgvERZGtpGUCN3XSH446zstKt9_umjH7wpxWriTfo-6dCzYr4u2F7PIIlmPgXKsF3dyZWBJ6TWRzdJ-sJ1JdmReZZ8cRudOBTwM9cCOMwPSoDaMdya6WDyypWh981W_vF-X04J1wU/s1600/DSC02276.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327444885957730" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv-tjgvERZGtpGUCN3XSH446zstKt9_umjH7wpxWriTfo-6dCzYr4u2F7PIIlmPgXKsF3dyZWBJ6TWRzdJ-sJ1JdmReZZ8cRudOBTwM9cCOMwPSoDaMdya6WDyypWh981W_vF-X04J1wU/s400/DSC02276.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 302px;" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMELXsvZL-bTptLCLoN69tvyp8LO62tHDn9_b3uxYj3ysmvNZhSmIDMXBvo2HDqvFl926lq_GwyDendGB4DIgNjcKTmGMYo-uUW0bDykvfKmFY_Tx7OEqoILbItd-G6brlTgmnI4nYmmc/s1600/DSC02277.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327437207441986" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMELXsvZL-bTptLCLoN69tvyp8LO62tHDn9_b3uxYj3ysmvNZhSmIDMXBvo2HDqvFl926lq_GwyDendGB4DIgNjcKTmGMYo-uUW0bDykvfKmFY_Tx7OEqoILbItd-G6brlTgmnI4nYmmc/s400/DSC02277.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 303px;" /></a>The next scene switches back to the Gunhed and the main guy. They’re running out of time and now the Gunhed is out of fuel. Ahh well, we’re all dead, right? Not so! The Gunhed unit explains he can run on anything, even whiskey. And yes, you guessed it, those barrels are whiskey barrels. At this point I had to pause the tape to laugh loudly for a good 2-3 minutes. That’s right folks, the entire film hinges around: A GIANT ROBOTO THAT RUNS ON WHISKEY! How did all those barrels of whiskey end up on an island housing an AI that controlled the world and started a robot/human war 13 years ago? Did it belong to the island’s custodians and scientists? Were they all a bunch of alcoholics and that’s why the AI went mad? Did #7 and #11’ parents die from alcoholism? Who cares, there’s A GIANT ROBOTO THAT RUNS ON WHISKEY!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGD73Ze28dQmuyuHD7PHwb4eZqaPtsY0ps3RelqRWRAozhvTGIdAnff1KHQaDLRXUDPX3wVfxzI3gtJB7uMbxCjzU9rS4MgtNtw__Hnc3YXU3dRv4gIKG2XTj8skyB5h9UzofZf5fGWw0/s1600/DSC02279.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327426169533778" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGD73Ze28dQmuyuHD7PHwb4eZqaPtsY0ps3RelqRWRAozhvTGIdAnff1KHQaDLRXUDPX3wVfxzI3gtJB7uMbxCjzU9rS4MgtNtw__Hnc3YXU3dRv4gIKG2XTj8skyB5h9UzofZf5fGWw0/s400/DSC02279.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 282px; height: 211px;" /></a>Next we switch to #11 who is her knees screaming, and Nim goes to hug her. It appears she was shot and now light is pouring out of her mouth. Is she a robot? Did the machinegun bullets create light in her stomach? Is #7 a robot too? WTF is going on here?! The next line is great as #7 says to his presumably dying sister, in a tone that can only imply major sociopathic tendencies: “Serves you right, you scared me.” After this #11 jumps up, shuts a gate locking Nim and #7 inside, and then climbs up to reach the green water room and place the Texmexium on a pedestal. I can’t remember how she ended up with it – I think they fought the biodroid at some point. Amazingly, once she reaches this section the wounds in #11 are totally healed and she’s back to normal. Was it nanomachines? Was she a droid? Were the bullets only set to stun? If you know the answer, please don’t bother telling me – I don’t care.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNMjMfHoivbesuJ97zHeM96xz5RirO9ZDnZ_G4Uup76jMr0oiCACGKL9GMDZzYR_-fcH8cdSnnEDizWEVXo1atpqcWcTcru8E9IDJMjXBEN_kRBWYu1u7B_UCzSpytR5LWdyXVTO1oNLg/s1600/DSC02280.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327425660691618" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNMjMfHoivbesuJ97zHeM96xz5RirO9ZDnZ_G4Uup76jMr0oiCACGKL9GMDZzYR_-fcH8cdSnnEDizWEVXo1atpqcWcTcru8E9IDJMjXBEN_kRBWYu1u7B_UCzSpytR5LWdyXVTO1oNLg/s400/DSC02280.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 393px; height: 294px;" /></a>Then there’s a whole bunch of running around and badly lit action scenes with the Gunhed plus Nim shooting the biodroid. If you’re disappointed by the photos I’ve got, it’s because every action shot in the film was poorly lit and so close you couldn’t see anything. Obviously done to cut costs, since flashy edits of nothing happening can make it look like action.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirdVA-rqSNbPT8WJIPjMX4z9aBhC5GtC-cmTKnez_JL2zrbv2na-i_nDrkszVAqiaikGz6jEbdtUVQPwjYuDymTFpWLVy3OKh8SePs3FjMNiTyMn0xSELzi2YNi8lwQ4zok8PkPMwiGtE/s1600/DSC02281.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327423116181874" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirdVA-rqSNbPT8WJIPjMX4z9aBhC5GtC-cmTKnez_JL2zrbv2na-i_nDrkszVAqiaikGz6jEbdtUVQPwjYuDymTFpWLVy3OKh8SePs3FjMNiTyMn0xSELzi2YNi8lwQ4zok8PkPMwiGtE/s400/DSC02281.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 396px; height: 310px;" /></a>This is exactly what it looks like.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0ceYv0GQ7zX30q0c-A_hZ9zLrDtjvKG1rEJ7OqcgqH2GSDXDRm7XmRZp0NHJHQX6x3CsHSYri31LQUu8CT5zfnxKrGwJ5vxYukrJAYDiepYtPjqBRrXUYhsyKBxFhnNWCxyxa79IBNRQ/s1600/DSC02282.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327225492880034" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0ceYv0GQ7zX30q0c-A_hZ9zLrDtjvKG1rEJ7OqcgqH2GSDXDRm7XmRZp0NHJHQX6x3CsHSYri31LQUu8CT5zfnxKrGwJ5vxYukrJAYDiepYtPjqBRrXUYhsyKBxFhnNWCxyxa79IBNRQ/s400/DSC02282.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 295px;" /></a>During a showdown with the biodroid, Babe, who appears trapped in some kind of dimension of fuzzy TV static, pulls the pin out of a grenade on her belt and, back in the real world, the biodroid disappears in a flash of light. Nope, I have no ****ing idea what happened there either. The biodroid didn’t pull the pin, it was just her, in another world, somehow connected.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirGYHd3THI8JDJbH2t1CIv5-ciqvq4LAC0JfdViayRAI7tJVGaRwiD6mp0czsrG4ODCcqZi_H7SvICbr5Vydofr-BNo2AjHa8FqU0_GrLvNSsTuoPpHy7eZ05EMVhBejUGt0Z8PBfhyphenhyphen4w/s1600/DSC02284.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327224358344450" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirGYHd3THI8JDJbH2t1CIv5-ciqvq4LAC0JfdViayRAI7tJVGaRwiD6mp0czsrG4ODCcqZi_H7SvICbr5Vydofr-BNo2AjHa8FqU0_GrLvNSsTuoPpHy7eZ05EMVhBejUGt0Z8PBfhyphenhyphen4w/s400/DSC02284.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 389px; height: 286px;" /></a>With all bad guys dead we finally get a kissing scene between Nim and the main guy. All two seconds of it.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpChFQturecwLcfLeEOli0EsKhj80UoGjEMiUtWYdb4Xl4EBFVPcPD_1QHnCPmJtU5-W91JlZd6hyphenhyphenfutCG4xd7RzO0veEvmXV5SodfD0NZCq9Ogg_4-b2h9I226_69aJQHSoBup6lFTWk/s1600/DSC02285.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327215997908082" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpChFQturecwLcfLeEOli0EsKhj80UoGjEMiUtWYdb4Xl4EBFVPcPD_1QHnCPmJtU5-W91JlZd6hyphenhyphenfutCG4xd7RzO0veEvmXV5SodfD0NZCq9Ogg_4-b2h9I226_69aJQHSoBup6lFTWk/s400/DSC02285.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 306px;" /></a>“This means we’re going to have sex later, right?”<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9_i3LkPchML7JyGqS0ej8vS11cYSFHRUabBcXwAu4xPQJrLEaUcfOzBBtdF7w3M5cFO17uMSReDU2VY0IvNDemZ0rzPpJuIkHuNTCUR_X99MVrVXs2opgSZgGSrWLrQuOwA1gvOKRgYg/s1600/DSC02286.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327204105922770" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9_i3LkPchML7JyGqS0ej8vS11cYSFHRUabBcXwAu4xPQJrLEaUcfOzBBtdF7w3M5cFO17uMSReDU2VY0IvNDemZ0rzPpJuIkHuNTCUR_X99MVrVXs2opgSZgGSrWLrQuOwA1gvOKRgYg/s400/DSC02286.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 331px;" /></a>Does this mean you two are our new mommy and daddy?<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYdInx6yyI4-39ptDgjCCaEOulhzRdtmT1e6r6d97DV-TpJh9zdg1DVwgmkH-KfSr2y0qSV77Mz2kFFdN5XIrb8_FXXPELBUpHLKzbPp5l02eZ0wopKRA4Y45b-XOa8hsbgO_t0pEJc0Q/s1600/DSC02287.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696327199220370962" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYdInx6yyI4-39ptDgjCCaEOulhzRdtmT1e6r6d97DV-TpJh9zdg1DVwgmkH-KfSr2y0qSV77Mz2kFFdN5XIrb8_FXXPELBUpHLKzbPp5l02eZ0wopKRA4Y45b-XOa8hsbgO_t0pEJc0Q/s400/DSC02287.JPG" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 289px;" /></a>The happy ending. I don’t know what young number 7 is seeing in this shot, but crikey the boy seems happy to be seeing it. My guess: is it boobs? Either that or the golden arches of McDonalds. It’s probably boobs.<br /><br />And now for our ending bonus:<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2JOI9HI-58">The Credits, which I uploaded to Youtube.</a> The main theme sounds like something from Panzer Dragoon, with drums and eerie percussion, and then it suddenly switches to a J-Pop song. Come on everyone, sing along even if you don’t know the lyrics.<br /><br /></span>

Hardcore Gaming 101's Games of the Year

"Games of the Year" isn't something we do very often at HG101, but we're going to try something different and give it a go. We asked the various staff members to pick their three favorite games of the year, as well as one older games that they just recently discovered. Keep in mind that none of these are ranked either, so no single game is anyone's "Game of the Year".

Keep in mind that we aren't game playing machines - all of us have full time jobs, school, or other duties to attend to. It's completely impossible to play everything that came out this year, or to devote enough time to singular games to really make proper judgment. That's why this list doesn't contain the usual GotY contenders as other sites - we certainly don't hate Skyrim, Skyward Sword, Uncharted 3 or anything like that, it's just that we haven't really played them enough to make that call. In other words, it was all done very casually. Give us another three years and maybe you can see a fully comprehensive "Best Games of 2011" from HG101, but for now, please consider this a list of excellent games from the past year we really enjoyed.



CJ Iwakura

Catherine



Atlus artistry at its finest. Hashino and co better be making Persona 5 one hell of a game to top this. Intense and fast-paced gameplay, intriguing story, wild cast, like nothing else I've ever played. Great for competition, too.

Dark Souls



From Software are my #2. I'm glad they do more than dark fantasy, but with games like this, I somehow don't want them to. When I tire of the single player, I just sit around and go to war with others in the Duke's Archives, or PRAISE THE SUN by helping bros out at Anor Londo. This is a purely timeless experience.

Hard Corps: Uprising



Hard Corps: Uprising gets better every time I play it. It's not just a badass Contra game, it's a badass game, period. If you play it alone, if you play it with friends, if you do it with guns, or with a Strider-curved katana, this is pure old-school hardcore bliss. Bonus points for that Ishiwatari metal, and the best damn boss theme in years.

Older Game Pick:

Super Meat Boy



This game made me want to break something. Yet like any good game, when I accomplished, it felt great, and made me want more. SMB is a massive block of sadistic joy.

Bobinator:

Rayman Origins



If Donkey Kong Country Returns had come out this year, it would have been on here, but that's not to knock this game in the slighest. While at first I was a little skeptical at first, since I figured that a 4-platformer would be mostly easy and linear, I've been pleasantly surprised by this game. It's amazing to look at, the game is always throwing new challenges at you.


Mortal Kombat



While the franchise has had some... well, serious ups and downs, this has been pretty much my favorite fighting game this year, if not this entire generation. The story mode was fantastic, there's quite a bit of depth for how easy to learn it is, and compared to the bright art styles of games like BlazBlue or Street Fighter, the blood's a nice change of pace, as excessive as it is. Still can't understand how Freddy Krueger made it in, but oh well.

Super Princess Pitch



Sure, it's not a retail game, but I've had so much fun playing this game that I pretty much HAVE to include it on here. It's fast, fun to play, and gets straight ot the action without slowing down at all. The counter system is a tad finicky, but it's just a great game to pick up and play over and over and OVER again. Plus, Mecha Santa is quite possibly one of my favorite boss fights of this year.


Snarboo:


The Binding of Isaac:



Isaac is what I imagine the roguelike might have been like had it started in the arcades. Isaac can best be described as a mash up of Zelda's dungeon crawling and Smash TV's twin stick controls, with the randomized dungeons and permadeath of a roguelike. It's also a game about child abuse that manages to be fun, which is no small feat. As such, it's not a game for everyone, especially if you despise Newgrounds' style humor. I wasn't sure I could put up with the game's frankly depressing aesthetic for very long, either, but I stuck with it long enough to put 68 hours into it. As such, it's grown to be my favorite indie game of the year, which is a testament to its compelling gameplay.

E.Y.E - Divine Cybermancy:



Based on a homegrown table top RPG that the creators played together, E.Y.E is that very special kind of weird that only the French or Japanese could produce. Expect references and mechanics liberally lifted from games and media such as Doom, Warhammer 40K, Deus Ex, Shadowrun, Blade Runner, X-Com and Ghost in the Shell. One minute, you might be brain jacking enemies to turn them against their allies, the next you might be fighting a 30 foot tall cyborg demon. As such, it's a bit of a mess. The mechanics are obtuse and unforgiving, the level design massive and labyrinthine, and the story convoluted and poorly translated. Despite these major shortcomings, I still had a lot of fun trolling its dank, cyberpunk locales. It's not often you see a game this insane in this day and age.

Jamestown:



Jamestown is a loving homage to the danmaku genre and a return to form. After writing the genre off entirely, I was happy to see a no nonsense bullet hell game without the moe baggage. That said, outside of the theme - a Jules Verne esque take on the early colonization of the new world, with Mars replacing the Americas - it's not particularly innovative. What it does offer are solid shooting mechanics, interesting enemy design, and lots of bullets to weave through as you try and stop the machinations of an evil conquistador with delusions of grandeur. If you're looking for something that recalls the heyday of early Cave shmups, then this is the game for you.

Older Game Pick:

Killing Floor:



While I am completely and utterly sick of zombie shooters by now, especially after the disappointment that was L4D, there is still one game in the genre I keep returning to: Killing Floor. Maybe it's the huge arsenal of interesting weapons, the large number of well designed maps to play on, or because there is enough variety to the "specimens" to keep things interesting, but whatever the case, Killing Floor is good old fashioned fun no matter how you slice it. What started off as a mod gone pro has slowly grown into a fully featured game that puts many AAA retail titles to shame. Three years after launch, the creators are still adding content to the game, as well as hosting seasonal events to spice things up. Best of all, each new content update is completely free! The only DLC you have to pay for is purely cosmetic, a model I wish more developers would follow.

Sotenga:

Yakuza 4



This got a LOT of play out of me around the beginning of the year. Adding three new characters to the mix was just the sort of innovation Yakuza needed to stay fresh, and expanding Kamurocho was a keen move as well. I'd declare it the best game in the series over Yakuza 2 if it had better villains and the plot didn't totally fall off the rails, but it's at least the meatiest and most easily accessible game in the series thus far.

Mortal Kombat



I was more than surprised to see that the MK revival actually turned out to be an excellent fighter. I had always been an MK fan but often willing to admit that it was never really good in gameplay terms. That's changed with the most surprising comeback I've ever seen in fighter history, and MK is now my current favorite fighter of choice. Bonus points for not only completely re-doing the character of Smoke to make him not just another Scorpion clone, but actually making him my favorite character in the game!

Batman: Arkham City



I've only just recently acquired this, but it's everything I wanted to be and more. I loved Arkham Asylum enough to get every single trophy ever in it, and that's not something I normally do in most modern games. AC's certainly going to take longer to acquire everything, but... hey, it just might be worth it. This game is the most Batman-ish Batman media I've ever beheld, and I'd go so far as to say it's even better than AA, if not just because the bosses are ACTUAL BOSS FIGHTS. Nothing like the dreaded Killer Croc stealth maze from the last game, at least I don't think so. I'm too sidetracked by Riddler sidequests to progress the main story, but I hope to beat it soon!

I also must give honorable mention to Ghost Trick, which I'm increasingly convinced is going to be the last truly original title Capcom will have ever made. Its mechanics are fun and interesting, but as with Shu Takumi's Ace Attorney series, the main draw here are the characters and plot. I regret leaving it off my top three, but only due to its relative lack of content and replay value do I do so. Didn't stop me from replaying it the instant I beat it to catch up on the myriad of foreshadowed plot details that made GT all the more clever.


Sketcz:

Stacking



Wonderful game from Double Fine which restored my faith in the industry. Featuring the excellent premise of men and woman sliding in and out of each other to take control of their bodies and their own unique powers, you need to make small boys vomit cookies, elderly gentlemen break wind and salacious harlots entice away guards in a whimsical faux-Victorian setting. If you aren't charmed by both the gameplay and style, this you have no soul.

Ys I&II Chronicles



Very traditional and very good. Ahh hell, I'm just a sucker for anything Ys.

From Dust



Eric Chahi returns from exile to create a wonderous sandbox game involving... literally a giant sandbox, filled with lava, jellied water, trees and little people in loincloths. A mish-mash of various other God-sims, this has both a decent main campaign mode, plus a series of puzzle-like challenges to complete post game. Plus there's a free-form mode where you have literally limitless power.

Older Game Pick:

Pathologic



Discovered February 2011, and despite numerous subsequent games played over the year, this East European survival game from around 2005 proved the most compelling. It's not about having fun, or enjoying tactile play, it's about facing difficult odds and surviving a plague. If you save some others along the way great, but mostly you'll be hiding in rain lashed alleys treating gunshot wounds with bandages and choking down antibiotics to stave off fever, wondering which dustbin you can raid for garbage to sell so you don't die of starvation. Grim, relentless and brutal. it's not about fun, it's about not dying.

Weasel:

Deus Ex: Human Revolution




While yes, there were some rather harebrained decisions on part of the design staff (the outsourced boss fights, the Typhoon becoming an "I Win" button), Deus Ex: Human Revolution is one of those games that, while not groundbreaking on its own, represents one of those rare instances in which a team of developers has quite obviously been examining other games and genuinely learned and applied their knowledge of what works and what doesn't. The story and characters are generally well done, with very few of the cast members being 100% "good" or "evil." The entire game centers around conflicts of interest, in a way that is far better realized than any game that dares include a sliding karma scale. Even combat with guns shows more mechanical prowess than other cover-based games. At the risk of sounding too pretentious, I would say that Deus Ex: Human Revolution is not just a great game in its own right, I'd dare add that it is an important game.


Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective



When Shu Takumi announced he was no longer working on Ace Attorney games, fans were understandably worried. But when the first trailer for Ghost Trick hit the Internet from Tokyo Game Show, all doubts were cast aside. Although the interface and presentation are unique, the puzzles you must solve in order to solve your own mystery all follow intuitive rules. Despite the obvious supernatural element, the game never once strays from its rather strict limitations on your ghostly abilities, not even for some last-minute deus ex machina. And then there's those character animations. Despite their relative lack of detail, each individual character sprite sports more personality than the entire cast of Call of Duty: Black Ops. I cannot help but recommend this game to anybody that owns a DS - perhaps I'd even recommend purchasing a DS for this game (and others, naturally).


L.A. Noire



On the other side of the detective genre, we have L.A. Noire, a game with a development process almost more storied than the plot of any Final Fantasy title. It took almost six years for us to get this game, and it really shows. I could rave on about the MotionScan-powered facial animations, the acting, and the storyline, but I'm honestly far more impressed with how convincing Team Bondi's Los Angeles is. Being something of a film noir nut, L.A. Noire's presentation would make or break this game for me, and thankfully, it's spot-on. The game gives me every feeling of putting me in a classic crime drama like Murder, My Sweet or Out of the Past (it even includes a black-and-white filter option), with almost everything authentic to the time period, from the real 1940's car models, to the dark, jazzy music, and every individual person's manner of speech and choice of clothing. Team Bondi obviously did their research and poured over five years of blood, sweat, and tears into sealing what really makes this game stand out.

Older Game Pick:

Wolfenstein (2009)



It might be two years old by now, but Raven Software's 2009 Wolfenstein sequel really deserves gamers' attention. Though some may feel that the use of regenerating health and aiming down ironsights is an obvious attempt to pander to the Call of Duty crowd, I personally feel that the game just came out at the wrong time and got forgotten amid 2009's fall blockbusters like Modern Warfare 2. Wolfenstein really touches on what more realistic World War 2 titles tend to avoid, with the sci-fi-ish new weapons and occult artifacts serving as the game's primary gimmick. While online multiplayer is pretty much a complete bust (since Activision fired the online portion's development team), the singleplayer campaign is every bit worth tracking down a copy, especially with how sharply the game's price has dropped since its release.

Derboo:

Gray Matter



Well, technically Gray Matter was first released in 2010, and I'm even from the country where that release happened. But older Japanese titles are frequently nominated Game of the Year just based on their US release, so why should European games be treated any differently? Contrary to what some may have secretly wished for, Gray Matter is not a Gabriel Knight 4 in disguise and the puzzles take a more accessible approach than the one people were accustomed to in the golden age of graphic adventures, betraying Jane Jensen's experience in "casual" game design. But while there have been quite a few adventure games with decent puzzles over the last couple of years, what the genre was really starving for was a new excellently written game, and the writing is what makes Gray Matter the greatest serious adventure game of the last ten years, not only for the lack of any real competition.

Shinobi 3D



There are few other classic game reimagenings that do such a great job at modernizing a franchise while still capturing the original's spirit as well as Shinobi 3D. It effortlessly plays in the same league as Bionic Commando Rearmed and Contra 4. The graphics and the botched 3D mode spoil the first impression a bit, but it still is one of the best games in the series yet. But even lacking any brand affiliation, viewed simply as a new old-school 2D action platformer, Shinobi 3D is quite excellent.

Akane the Kunoichi



If you're looking for a truly old-fashioned action platformer devoid of any forced ambitions for depth in the form of RPG or puzzle elements, you need to go no further than letter A on the Xbox Live Indie Game Marketplace. With 80 MS points, Akane the Kunoichi is on the cheapest pricing tier, too, which makes it easy to forgive its somewhat short length and lack of replay incentives aside from seven "Trophies", that fill in for achievements.

Older Game Pick:

Portal: Still Alive



I've dodged this for a long time, not despite the endless praise of its story and design, but because of it. I've become rather jaded towards presumably minimalistic and clever stories, cause in video games they more often than not turn out simply pretentious. But wow, this one for once is really, really clever and excellently told, not through exhibition but the uneasy design of the environment and "dialogue" that doesn't have any right to feel as convincing and sympathetic as it does, given the context. The puzzle design is just perfect, for as long as it is mostly about concepts rather than exact physical parameters (some of the seperate challenge rooms in the Still Alive edition really get annoying in that regard) and puts any Zelda dungeon to the deepest shame.


Discoalucard:

Deus Ex: Human Revolution



DX: Human Revolution is one of the rare titles that's so compelling that I can play for like five hours straight without having felt that I've wasted my time, which is a massive compliment given the way I play games nowadays. While lacking the freedom and customization of the first game, the gunplay and stealth just feel infinitely better, and its fantastic score actually supercedes Deus Ex's already launded soundtrack.

Xenoblade



People criticize JRPGs for not evolving, but that's not entirely true - they're just evolving in ways lots of people don't care about, ignoring the trends that have grown outside of the Japanese microcosm over the past five years. Xenoblade isn't exactly a JRPG for non-JRPG fans, because it's still beholden to some of its tropes, but it manages to keep the best stuff - namely, the fantastic art design and beautiful soundtracks - while filtering out most of the garbage, making for a game that's extremely playable for anyone who've felt they've outgrown the genre, myself included. Thank God this is coming to the US this year, that way when people complain about the lack of decent JRPGs, people will stop rattling off a list of mediocre DS games.

Super Mario 3D Land



I tend not to say it too loudly at parties, but I've always rather hated Super Mario 64. Beyond its bizarre structure, terrible controls and awful camera, it never really felt like a proper Mario game. Super Mario Land 3D, while technically not as clever as the Galaxy games, nevertheless feels like the game Mario 64 should have been fifteen years ago, integrating the core elements of the series and using the decade-and-a-half of 3D platformer experience to create something that both looks and feels natural.

Older Game Pick:

VVVVVV



I wrote a long-ish article about how much I love this game last week - just go read that.
"Games of the Year" isn't something we do very often at HG101, but we're going to try something different and give it a go. We asked the various staff members to pick their three favorite games of the year, as well as one older games that they just recently discovered. Keep in mind that none of these are ranked either, so no single game is anyone's "Game of the Year".<br /> <br /> Keep in mind that we aren't game playing machines - all of us have full time jobs, school, or other duties to attend to. It's completely impossible to play everything that came out this year, or to devote enough time to singular games to really make proper judgment. That's why this list doesn't contain the usual GotY contenders as other sites - we certainly don't hate Skyrim, Skyward Sword, Uncharted 3 or anything like that, it's just that we haven't really played them enough to make that call. In other words, it was all done very casually. Give us another three years and maybe you can see a fully comprehensive "Best Games of 2011" from HG101, but for now, please consider this a list of excellent games from the past year we really enjoyed.<br /> <br /> <span class="fullpost"><br /> <br /> <i>CJ Iwakura</i><br /> <br /> <b>Catherine</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/Catherine_Cover_Art.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> Atlus artistry at its finest. Hashino and co better be making Persona 5 one hell of a game to top this. Intense and fast-paced gameplay, intriguing story, wild cast, like nothing else I've ever played. Great for competition, too.<br /> <br /> <b>Dark Souls</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/Dark_Souls_Cover_Art.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> From Software are my #2. I'm glad they do more than dark fantasy, but with games like this, I somehow don't want them to. When I tire of the single player, I just sit around and go to war with others in the Duke's Archives, or PRAISE THE SUN by helping bros out at Anor Londo. This is a purely timeless experience.<br /> <br /> <b>Hard Corps: Uprising</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/Hard_Corps_cover.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> Hard Corps: Uprising gets better every time I play it. It's not just a badass Contra game, it's a badass game, period. If you play it alone, if you play it with friends, if you do it with guns, or with a Strider-curved katana, this is pure old-school hardcore bliss. Bonus points for that Ishiwatari metal, and the best damn boss theme in years.<br /> <br /> Older Game Pick:<br /> <br /> <b>Super Meat Boy</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/SuperMeatBoy_cover.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> This game made me want to break something. Yet like any good game, when I accomplished, it felt great, and made me want more. SMB is a massive block of sadistic joy.<br /> <br /> <i>Bobinator:</i><br /> <br /> <b>Rayman Origins</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/rayman.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> If Donkey Kong Country Returns had come out this year, it would have been on here, but that's not to knock this game in the slighest. While at first I was a little skeptical at first, since I figured that a 4-platformer would be mostly easy and linear, I've been pleasantly surprised by this game. It's amazing to look at, the game is always throwing new challenges at you.<br /> <br /> <br /> <b>Mortal Kombat</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/mortalkombat.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> While the franchise has had some... well, serious ups and downs, this has been pretty much my favorite fighting game this year, if not this entire generation. The story mode was fantastic, there's quite a bit of depth for how easy to learn it is, and compared to the bright art styles of games like BlazBlue or Street Fighter, the blood's a nice change of pace, as excessive as it is. Still can't understand how Freddy Krueger made it in, but oh well.<br /> <br /> <b>Super Princess Pitch</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/pitch2.gif" /></center><br /> <br /> Sure, it's not a retail game, but I've had so much fun playing this game that I pretty much HAVE to include it on here. It's fast, fun to play, and gets straight ot the action without slowing down at all. The counter system is a tad finicky, but it's just a great game to pick up and play over and over and OVER again. Plus, Mecha Santa is quite possibly one of my favorite boss fights of this year.<br /> <br /> <br /> <i>Snarboo:</i><br /> <br /> <br /> <b>The Binding of Isaac:</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/220px-The_Binding_of_Isaac_screenshot.png" /></center><br /> <br /> Isaac is what I imagine the roguelike might have been like had it started in the arcades. Isaac can best be described as a mash up of Zelda's dungeon crawling and Smash TV's twin stick controls, with the randomized dungeons and permadeath of a roguelike. It's also a game about child abuse that manages to be fun, which is no small feat. As such, it's not a game for everyone, especially if you despise Newgrounds' style humor. I wasn't sure I could put up with the game's frankly depressing aesthetic for very long, either, but I stuck with it long enough to put 68 hours into it. As such, it's grown to be my favorite indie game of the year, which is a testament to its compelling gameplay. <br /> <br /> <b>E.Y.E - Divine Cybermancy:</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/14051_314027.jpg" width="300" /></center><br /> <br /> Based on a homegrown table top RPG that the creators played together, E.Y.E is that very special kind of weird that only the French or Japanese could produce. Expect references and mechanics liberally lifted from games and media such as Doom, Warhammer 40K, Deus Ex, Shadowrun, Blade Runner, X-Com and Ghost in the Shell. One minute, you might be brain jacking enemies to turn them against their allies, the next you might be fighting a 30 foot tall cyborg demon. As such, it's a bit of a mess. The mechanics are obtuse and unforgiving, the level design massive and labyrinthine, and the story convoluted and poorly translated. Despite these major shortcomings, I still had a lot of fun trolling its dank, cyberpunk locales. It's not often you see a game this insane in this day and age.<br /> <br /> <b>Jamestown:</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/JamestownBoxArt.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> Jamestown is a loving homage to the danmaku genre and a return to form. After writing the genre off entirely, I was happy to see a no nonsense bullet hell game without the moe baggage. That said, outside of the theme - a Jules Verne esque take on the early colonization of the new world, with Mars replacing the Americas - it's not particularly innovative. What it does offer are solid shooting mechanics, interesting enemy design, and lots of bullets to weave through as you try and stop the machinations of an evil conquistador with delusions of grandeur. If you're looking for something that recalls the heyday of early Cave shmups, then this is the game for you.<br /> <br /> Older Game Pick:<br /> <br /> <b>Killing Floor:</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/Killing_Floor_Logo.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> While I am completely and utterly sick of zombie shooters by now, especially after the disappointment that was L4D, there is still one game in the genre I keep returning to: Killing Floor. Maybe it's the huge arsenal of interesting weapons, the large number of well designed maps to play on, or because there is enough variety to the "specimens" to keep things interesting, but whatever the case, Killing Floor is good old fashioned fun no matter how you slice it. What started off as a mod gone pro has slowly grown into a fully featured game that puts many AAA retail titles to shame. Three years after launch, the creators are still adding content to the game, as well as hosting seasonal events to spice things up. Best of all, each new content update is completely free! The only DLC you have to pay for is purely cosmetic, a model I wish more developers would follow.<br /> <br /> <i>Sotenga:</i><br /> <br /> <b>Yakuza 4</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/Yakuza_4_cover.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> This got a LOT of play out of me around the beginning of the year. Adding three new characters to the mix was just the sort of innovation Yakuza needed to stay fresh, and expanding Kamurocho was a keen move as well. I'd declare it the best game in the series over Yakuza 2 if it had better villains and the plot didn't totally fall off the rails, but it's at least the meatiest and most easily accessible game in the series thus far.<br /> <br /> <b>Mortal Kombat</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/mortalkombat.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> I was more than surprised to see that the MK revival actually turned out to be an excellent fighter. I had always been an MK fan but often willing to admit that it was never really good in gameplay terms. That's changed with the most surprising comeback I've ever seen in fighter history, and MK is now my current favorite fighter of choice. Bonus points for not only completely re-doing the character of Smoke to make him not just another Scorpion clone, but actually making him my favorite character in the game!<br /> <br /> <b>Batman: Arkham City</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/ArkhamCity.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> I've only just recently acquired this, but it's everything I wanted to be and more. I loved Arkham Asylum enough to get every single trophy ever in it, and that's not something I normally do in most modern games. AC's certainly going to take longer to acquire everything, but... hey, it just might be worth it. This game is the most Batman-ish Batman media I've ever beheld, and I'd go so far as to say it's even better than AA, if not just because the bosses are ACTUAL BOSS FIGHTS. Nothing like the dreaded Killer Croc stealth maze from the last game, at least I don't think so. I'm too sidetracked by Riddler sidequests to progress the main story, but I hope to beat it soon!<br /> <br /> I also must give honorable mention to <b>Ghost Trick</b>, which I'm increasingly convinced is going to be the last truly original title Capcom will have ever made. Its mechanics are fun and interesting, but as with Shu Takumi's Ace Attorney series, the main draw here are the characters and plot. I regret leaving it off my top three, but only due to its relative lack of content and replay value do I do so. Didn't stop me from replaying it the instant I beat it to catch up on the myriad of foreshadowed plot details that made GT all the more clever.<br /> <br /> <br /> <i>Sketcz:</i><br /> <br /> <b>Stacking</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/Stacking-logo.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> Wonderful game from Double Fine which restored my faith in the industry. Featuring the excellent premise of men and woman sliding in and out of each other to take control of their bodies and their own unique powers, you need to make small boys vomit cookies, elderly gentlemen break wind and salacious harlots entice away guards in a whimsical faux-Victorian setting. If you aren't charmed by both the gameplay and style, this you have no soul.<br /> <br /> <b>Ys I&II Chronicles</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/ys_1_and2_chroniclesboxart_160w.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> Very traditional and very good. Ahh hell, I'm just a sucker for anything Ys.<br /> <br /> <b>From Dust</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/From_Dust_cover.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> Eric Chahi returns from exile to create a wonderous sandbox game involving... literally a giant sandbox, filled with lava, jellied water, trees and little people in loincloths. A mish-mash of various other God-sims, this has both a decent main campaign mode, plus a series of puzzle-like challenges to complete post game. Plus there's a free-form mode where you have literally limitless power.<br /> <br /> Older Game Pick:<br /> <br /> <b>Pathologic</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/Pathologic.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> Discovered February 2011, and despite numerous subsequent games played over the year, this East European survival game from around 2005 proved the most compelling. It's not about having fun, or enjoying tactile play, it's about facing difficult odds and surviving a plague. If you save some others along the way great, but mostly you'll be hiding in rain lashed alleys treating gunshot wounds with bandages and choking down antibiotics to stave off fever, wondering which dustbin you can raid for garbage to sell so you don't die of starvation. Grim, relentless and brutal. it's not about fun, it's about not dying. <br /> <br /> <i>Weasel:</i><br /> <br /> <b>Deus Ex: Human Revolution</b><br /> <br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/Deus_Ex_Human_Revolution_cover.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> While yes, there were some rather harebrained decisions on part of the design staff (the outsourced boss fights, the Typhoon becoming an "I Win" button), Deus Ex: Human Revolution is one of those games that, while not groundbreaking on its own, represents one of those rare instances in which a team of developers has quite obviously been examining other games and genuinely learned and applied their knowledge of what works and what doesn't. The story and characters are generally well done, with very few of the cast members being 100% "good" or "evil." The entire game centers around conflicts of interest, in a way that is far better realized than any game that dares include a sliding karma scale. Even combat with guns shows more mechanical prowess than other cover-based games. At the risk of sounding too pretentious, I would say that Deus Ex: Human Revolution is not just a great game in its own right, I'd dare add that it is an important game.<br /> <br /> <br /> <b>Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/Ghost_Trick_Phantom_Detective_cover_art.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> When Shu Takumi announced he was no longer working on Ace Attorney games, fans were understandably worried. But when the first trailer for Ghost Trick hit the Internet from Tokyo Game Show, all doubts were cast aside. Although the interface and presentation are unique, the puzzles you must solve in order to solve your own mystery all follow intuitive rules. Despite the obvious supernatural element, the game never once strays from its rather strict limitations on your ghostly abilities, not even for some last-minute deus ex machina. And then there's those character animations. Despite their relative lack of detail, each individual character sprite sports more personality than the entire cast of Call of Duty: Black Ops. I cannot help but recommend this game to anybody that owns a DS - perhaps I'd even recommend purchasing a DS for this game (and others, naturally).<br /> <br /> <br /> <b>L.A. Noire</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/LA-Noire-Box-Art.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> On the other side of the detective genre, we have L.A. Noire, a game with a development process almost more storied than the plot of any Final Fantasy title. It took almost six years for us to get this game, and it really shows. I could rave on about the MotionScan-powered facial animations, the acting, and the storyline, but I'm honestly far more impressed with how convincing Team Bondi's Los Angeles is. Being something of a film noir nut, L.A. Noire's presentation would make or break this game for me, and thankfully, it's spot-on. The game gives me every feeling of putting me in a classic crime drama like Murder, My Sweet or Out of the Past (it even includes a black-and-white filter option), with almost everything authentic to the time period, from the real 1940's car models, to the dark, jazzy music, and every individual person's manner of speech and choice of clothing. Team Bondi obviously did their research and poured over five years of blood, sweat, and tears into sealing what really makes this game stand out.<br /> <br /> Older Game Pick:<br /> <br /> <b>Wolfenstein (2009)</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/Wolfenstein_(2009_video_game).jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> It might be two years old by now, but Raven Software's 2009 Wolfenstein sequel really deserves gamers' attention. Though some may feel that the use of regenerating health and aiming down ironsights is an obvious attempt to pander to the Call of Duty crowd, I personally feel that the game just came out at the wrong time and got forgotten amid 2009's fall blockbusters like Modern Warfare 2. Wolfenstein really touches on what more realistic World War 2 titles tend to avoid, with the sci-fi-ish new weapons and occult artifacts serving as the game's primary gimmick. While online multiplayer is pretty much a complete bust (since Activision fired the online portion's development team), the singleplayer campaign is every bit worth tracking down a copy, especially with how sharply the game's price has dropped since its release.<br /> <br /> <i>Derboo:</i><br /> <br /> <b>Gray Matter</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/Gray_Matter_cover.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> Well, technically Gray Matter was first released in 2010, and I'm even from the country where that release happened. But older Japanese titles are frequently nominated Game of the Year just based on their US release, so why should European games be treated any differently? Contrary to what some may have secretly wished for, Gray Matter is not a Gabriel Knight 4 in disguise and the puzzles take a more accessible approach than the one people were accustomed to in the golden age of graphic adventures, betraying Jane Jensen's experience in "casual" game design. But while there have been quite a few adventure games with decent puzzles over the last couple of years, what the genre was really starving for was a new excellently written game, and the writing is what makes Gray Matter the greatest serious adventure game of the last ten years, not only for the lack of any real competition.<br /> <br /> <b>Shinobi 3D</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/Shinobi.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> There are few other classic game reimagenings that do such a great job at modernizing a franchise while still capturing the original's spirit as well as Shinobi 3D. It effortlessly plays in the same league as Bionic Commando Rearmed and Contra 4. The graphics and the botched 3D mode spoil the first impression a bit, but it still is one of the best games in the series yet. But even lacking any brand affiliation, viewed simply as a new old-school 2D action platformer, Shinobi 3D is quite excellent.<br /> <br /> <b>Akane the Kunoichi</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/akane.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> If you're looking for a truly old-fashioned action platformer devoid of any forced ambitions for depth in the form of RPG or puzzle elements, you need to go no further than letter A on the Xbox Live Indie Game Marketplace. With 80 MS points, Akane the Kunoichi is on the cheapest pricing tier, too, which makes it easy to forgive its somewhat short length and lack of replay incentives aside from seven "Trophies", that fill in for achievements.<br /> <br /> Older Game Pick:<br /> <br /> <b>Portal: Still Alive</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/portal.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> I've dodged this for a long time, not despite the endless praise of its story and design, but because of it. I've become rather jaded towards presumably minimalistic and clever stories, cause in video games they more often than not turn out simply pretentious. But wow, this one for once is really, really clever and excellently told, not through exhibition but the uneasy design of the environment and "dialogue" that doesn't have any right to feel as convincing and sympathetic as it does, given the context. The puzzle design is just perfect, for as long as it is mostly about concepts rather than exact physical parameters (some of the seperate challenge rooms in the Still Alive edition really get annoying in that regard) and puts any Zelda dungeon to the deepest shame.<br /> <br /> <br /> <i>Discoalucard:</i><br /> <br /> <b>Deus Ex: Human Revolution</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/Deus_Ex_Human_Revolution_cover.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> DX: Human Revolution is one of the rare titles that's so compelling that I can play for like five hours straight without having felt that I've wasted my time, which is a massive compliment given the way I play games nowadays. While lacking the freedom and customization of the first game, the gunplay and stealth just feel infinitely better, and its fantastic score actually supercedes Deus Ex's already launded soundtrack.<br /> <br /> <b>Xenoblade</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/xenoblade.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> People criticize JRPGs for not evolving, but that's not entirely true - they're just evolving in ways lots of people don't care about, ignoring the trends that have grown outside of the Japanese microcosm over the past five years. Xenoblade isn't exactly a JRPG for non-JRPG fans, because it's still beholden to some of its tropes, but it manages to keep the best stuff - namely, the fantastic art design and beautiful soundtracks - while filtering out most of the garbage, making for a game that's extremely playable for anyone who've felt they've outgrown the genre, myself included. Thank God this is coming to the US this year, that way when people complain about the lack of decent JRPGs, people will stop rattling off a list of mediocre DS games.<br /> <br /> <b>Super Mario 3D Land</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/blog/goty/marioland.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> I tend not to say it too loudly at parties, but I've always rather hated Super Mario 64. Beyond its bizarre structure, terrible controls and awful camera, it never really felt like a proper Mario game. Super Mario Land 3D, while technically not as clever as the Galaxy games, nevertheless feels like the game Mario 64 should have been fifteen years ago, integrating the core elements of the series and using the decade-and-a-half of 3D platformer experience to create something that both looks and feels natural.<br /> <br /> <i>Older Game Pick:</i><br /> <br /> <b>VVVVVV</b><br /> <br /> <center><img src="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/vvvvvv/ppppppa.jpg" /></center><br /> <br /> I wrote a long-ish article about how much I love this game last week - just go <a href="http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/vvvvvv/vvvvvv.htm">read that</a>.</span>